Wednesday, November 04, 2009

The Dangling Carrot

Because I know many of you1 are curious and waiting with baited breath to know whether or not I ever heard from Tower again...

The answer is yes. I did. We had a second date Sunday night and it was, in my opinion, again near perfect.

But I don't feel like talking about the specifics this place.

First, because I don't know what to say. For once.
Second, because it wasn't just mine. It was his too.
Third, because I feel tentative, cautious, quietly optimistic and have no desire to go tromping through the china shop with my waffle stompers on.

However, there IS one thing about that night I want to say...

He asked to read the blog.

If you'll recall, I had recently solicited advice from you, my readers, about whether or not I should share it with new dates2. The general consensus was no, I shouldn't. So when he asked, I told him I was reluctant...but then, after discussing the matter a bit, told him he could and I gave him the address.

The next day, I changed my mind and told him I'd like for him to wait to read wait until he'd gotten to know me better - good qualities and wartiest warts - before he read about them all at once. I suppose what really happened was I got scared that he'd not like what he read...not like me.

If he reads it, I will understand. It's like giving a much desired toy to a child and then putting it on a mid-level shelf within full view and within reach but with the instruction not to touch. I'm afraid if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. Either way, he will come to know me and form his opinions about me - for better or for worse.

I am, after all, me. In these entries is my own version of brutal honesty...sometimes exaggerated for comic effect...but still honest about who I am in life. Which is why I've shared the URL freely when asked...because I'm pretty OK with me. And I don't often worry about whether someone is going to like me based on what they read here. Frankly, often enough, I don't really care. So asking him to wait to read felt almost...deceptive. As though I felt as though I had something to hide.

But if you know me in real life at all, you know I don't hide anything about myself pretty much ever.

Then again, I often find I am the bull in the china shop without ever meaning to be. So maybe caution...for the right thing.

But Tower? If you're reading this? It's really OK. You did the right thing.

1: OK only really one of you...hi Mom!
2: Thanks to those who commented and who also sent me personal e-mails with your thoughts. All were most appreciated.


Anonymous said...

Ok, so here I was on my day off, doing a bazillion loads of post-vacation laundry, when I thought "I should read Jane's blog!" Let me say, you were born to write, sister! Humorous, witty & sarcastic one moment, heartfelt & endearing the next-very captivating! (says one AZ source..) Now, I can't imagine that you have wartier warts than any of the rest of us, and there is nothing I see here that is NOT to like (except maybe your aspiring to be a crazy cat lady)jk. So whether Tower is unable to resist the temptation, or whether he waits to partake of the blog, no worries. After all, isn't the blog a way to get to know you better, both for yourself and the readers? Oh, and I knew you'd hear from him again. :) Ahh, happy happy thoughts for both of you!

Just Jane said...

Yay! Look everybody! It's Kristin! It was so so good to see you and such a pleasure to have you and Dave be a part of the first date night with Tower. And thank you. Now get back here soon! 12th Ave. waits for you :).