Listing List of Listless

Listless tonight.

So I'm making another of my seemingly infinite lists of things on my mind.

1) Last week was especially angsty, anxious, stressful, busy. I have to confess I did not handle it well. If you've got me fed to a reader of some sort, you may already know this as I posted about it and then retracted the post after thinking better of it but feeds don't always automatically delete deleted posts. If that's the case, and you read it, I apologize. I sort of went off the rails about...

2) The third anniversary of Andy's death is rapidly approaching. I didn't consciously realize it last week until late in the week when the knowledge of it caught me off guard and landed a punch below the belt. Luckily, I'm surrounded by compassion, sometimes in unlikely places, and this weekend helped. A lot. When I received much needed compassion, tenderness, and loving kindness from those who care about me most...whether they knew that's what they were giving me or not.

3) I'm not sure, even at the very beginning of this blog when he first died, that I ever told you how Andy died. So here it is in a nutshell. He was giving blood and, at some point, a blood clot traveled into his brain and he had a stroke, then a heart attack, then another stroke. By the time they got him to the hospital, he was, in effect, already dead although his body lived on life support for a couple more days. He would have several more strokes and heart attacks and then, eventually, his vital organs began shutting down one by one.  He was 34 when he died. 

4) We've raised a needy cat. Vinny was a particularly social guy when we first adopted him and we certainly did not discourage that behavior at all. He's always had as much human interaction as he could possibly desire - especially since Lex's employment got cut back to half time - but now we pay for that during the rare occasion when both Lex and I are gone at the same time for more than an hour or two. Case in point, this evening, I arrived home after spending much of the afternoon in the company of Acr0nym followed by a 303 food and drink outing in Golden. Lex was also gone from the Grotto for most of the afternoon and evening. I got home first and Vinny would not let me out of his sight. He sat next to my feet, followed me from room to room when I got up, and cried almost incessantly when I wasn't paying some kind of attention to him. Poor bastard. It must suck to have Naked Vinny time when he has no opposable thumbs or the ability to read.

5) Speaking of Vinny...animals should be a great reminder to us all about the power of loving touch. The needs of domesticated animals are relatively few...food, shelter, touch. Much like humans. Abraham Maslow in his Hierarchy of Needs believed sex to be a basic physiological need along with food, breathing, and homeostasis  While I disagree that sex itself is a basic need - certainly many of us live without it for long stretches of time - sex, touch, belonging are all decidedly important to our sense of well-being. I know what it is to have voluntarily suffered its starvation and to know, first hand, that it's insidious in its cruelty. Animals, generally, don't understand the psychological aspects of denial of touch. They want it. Need it. They not only ask for it but demand it. If they don't get it from one, their allegiances are easily turned to someone who will give it to them. Humans seem to have a much greater capacity for self-denial over the long term. But what are the irreparable effects of denying ourselves of loving touch? What damage do we do by withholding loving touch from our partners? I want to know.

6)  Acr0nym and I recorded the latest episode of Sharp Pointy Objects this afternoon...the first time we've recorded anything for several months. We're trying to get back into the groove of things now that we are post-defcon and decided it was most easy to record an episode about DEF CON itself - just a conversation between the two of us. Hopefully, we'll be able to get that episode (minimally) edited and uploaded in the next few days. It felt good to record. I'm not gonna lie. I'm looking forward to recording more.

7) Just in case you don't feed my infinite wisdoms via RSS and missed my derailing, I'm going to state this again for the record...

We are never quite as self-aware as we believe ourselves to be.

Last week, over a cuppa joe, I sat reading a blog entry written by someone I used to know and found myself chuckling to myself over an obvious case of blindness by perceived self-enlightenment. And I thought to myself, "Huh. I don't think he's quite as self-aware as he thinks he is."

And then I laughed, heartily, at myself.

Because none of us are as self-aware as we believe ourselves to be. No one. Certainly not me.

However, in his case - as it is in so very many, it's more a case of mistaking self-absorption for self-awareness.

We are never quite as self-aware as we believe ourselves to be. [say it with me now...] Not even me.

8) Let's end on an especially light note, shall we? I don't know if this is embarrassing or awesome but a few of us are fans of the hacker karaoke on Friday nights. The following is becoming somewhat of a signature song for me. Hee hee.

Singin' the Post-Con Blues

Bleah.

You know, for weeks pre-DEF CON, there was such a flurry of activity, of socializing, of anticipation and stress and ohmygawd it's nearly time and ohmygawd what am I gonna wear and ohmygawd am I going to come out of this alive stuff going on that I hardly had time to think straight. Then con actually happened and the time in Vegas flew by so fast, I rolled in, blinked, and it was time to roll back out. 

During those fabulous 5 nights we spent there, we were constantly on the go. At first, we were crazy stressed out as we made a mad dash to assemble 100 SkyTalks and 303 badges, deciding how we would distribute them - we were supposed to be mere transport until Spux got sick and handed that task off to Acr0nym and me - and realizing we were a handful of badges short. We'd find out later just how short badges we were as there was a glitch in the ordering system and several people who'd paid for badges weren't on our list. So a good portion of the second day then was spent getting pounded over the head with the decidedly ungenerous words of angry people as we stood helplessly by unable to deliver something we didn't have and weren't ultimately responsible for - christ on a cracker, we were the messengers, people! 

We had what we had, you know?

I'll confess, by Friday night, I'd shed more than one tear and tore into a major asshole over those damn badges. [Side note: If you want to read about the making of the badges, check out Spux's blog post about them. I will state here and now they were extra-specially rad.]

Beyond that though, DEF CON was so great! Truthfully, even the badge fiasco that was 2012 played a part in the time I had. There is something to be said for getting on the emotional roller coaster and riding the peaks and valleys for literally days...not sleeping enough, not eating more than once a day, drinking just a wee bit too much gin, and not questioning what is going to happen next because clearly anything could happen...you know, mostly because it already had.

To come home then, to unceremoniously dump my suitcase out on my bedroom floor and have the knowledge sink in that it's over and feel as though I was at the center of it and yet somehow missed it altogether, to feel as though there is nothing more to look forward to ever again...that's rough.

And that's exactly how it feels.

The first full day back - a week ago today as a matter of fact - was the worst. I'd planned ahead and taken the day off in anticipation that I'd need the decompression time. What I hadn't anticipated was the awful listlessness, loneliness, and overall apathy and malaise. When a handful of us met up at denhac that evening to unload equipment from the 303 party transportation though, it was clear I wasn't alone. 

It was also clear, after talking to the DEF CON veterans, the feeling would eventually pass.

And it has...uh...some.

Friday night helped a little. As usual, a handful of us met at a local pub to eat, drink, and be social. It was made infinitely better for me when Alabama made an extremely rare guest appearance - so rare and special that I gave him my undivided attention almost to the exclusion of everyone else. Even so, it was clear we were, most of us, enmeshed in the discontent that is post-con and ended the night relatively early for the vast majority of us.

Even now, coming down off a PTSD-triggered spin - one I'm fairly certain I actively sought in order to feel something, ANYTHING, aside from post-con empty - I'm still feeling weird and off-kilter.

And yet, I know, there are events coming up to look forward to...the post-apoca-audit party (that totally cannot come too soon), Spux's annual bar crawl, Halloween, the Beaujolais Nouveau night and the 4th Annual Grotto Thanksgiving, my birthday (41 for those keeping track). There is also the promise of a brunch with old and new friends this weekend, a supper with Alabama and his gorgeous family this weekend, a post-DEF CON podcast recording with Acr0nym and me rehashing our experiences. Nephthys and I have some business to attend to as we come up with a new handle for a Very Silly Boy - a task assigned us by Pyr0 and his amused and awesome boss. There is a highly anticipated documentary in the works that will be watched and celebrated. There are visits from a Naked Jen and an Asphodel and an AMANDA FUCKING PALMER concert to attend. There are any number of 303 Fridays to relish, karaoke songs to sing, church o' brunches to be held, friends to hug, gifts to buy, donations to make, and non-husbands to acquire (just kidding...I may be tapped out at 4 plus a work spouse). AND! Next year's DEF CON to plan for. Woot! And WOO HOO!

All of those things are brewing in the back of my head reminding me that LIFE! It's good.

Still...I've got the blues. The post-DEF CON blues. This too shall pass. Until then...

Let me hear you sing it.

Red Cards of DEFCON

tl;dr Don't be a dick.

Perhaps the most significant moment for me at DEFCON XX - one I actually remembered to tweet - was one of the best for its wondrous convenience as well as one of the worst for its implication.

It was the moment I walked into the women's bathroom in the convention area rotunda for the first time and there was NO LINE. In fact, not only was there no line but there were only three other women in there with me.

It was GREAT as I really had to pee and any woman who has stepped out of her house to go pretty much anywhere ever will tell you that a women's bathroom without a line is a myth. There is no such thing.

Except...there is. At DEFCON. The world's largest hacking convention. Attendance rumored to be well over 10,000.

So...if there are, let's just say for our purposes, 15,000 people in a confined area and there is no line for the women's bathroom, then one must hypothesize that is because there were no women at the con. Which isn't entirely true, clearly, as I am equipped with an actual vagina and I was also in the company of a number of women from the 303. I even saw women I didn't know - several on the security goon squad (hats off to them in particular).

However, looking back on it, there certainly weren't many. If I had to take a wild stab in the dark at just how many I would say maybe 10%. 1500 seems likely. I guess. Based on the non-existent line in the bathroom, I'm almost inclined to make that even less. Regardless, comparatively few. Too few even though infosec is a predominantly male laden field.

So...where were all the women? 

A few days before I headed out to Vegas, a friend of mine - a woman - tweeted the link to a blog post Sexism red/yellow cards at Defcon written by a woman named KC who, after experiencing first hand the frustrations of sexual harassment at DEFCON, created a card system to school men when they were acting inappropriately. If presented with a yellow card, the perpetrator was warned that he'd made a mildly inappropriate move. If presented with a red card, the perpetrator was told he'd made a serious dick move that could warrant a punch to the throat.

Since I'd never been to DEFCON, I didn't really know what to make of these cards or the alleged harassment but I certainly could recognize their practical application outside of con. I wasn't crazy about the passive, literal card-carrying feminist approach - much preferring the verbal beat down or the sharp, pointy elbow defense that's worked for me all these years - but I didn't have any con experiences on this scale to compare it to and eventually forgot all about it.

Well...the cards quickly became something of a joke among the men I talked to at con. And, I will confess, one of my most favorite memories (I mentioned it last night) was when a male friend of mine red-carded me and claimed I'd attempted to grope his penis (I so totally didn't). It was particularly funny because of his straight-man delivery.

Additionally, I also must confess I personally did not find myself on the receiving end of any such harassment or witness anything red-card worthy. Yellow-card worthy perhaps when the increasingly inebriated guy working the door of the 303 party Saturday night began barring exit for all women until they'd given him a hug. I didn't think too much about it then because I was also inebriated and I also happen to know him for the huggable and harmless geek he is. Have no fear though, I'll talk with him about this later.

So when I got caught up in a lengthy online conversation and then pointed to an article, DEFCON: Why conference harassment matters, today, I was really REALLY confused and riled up about the cards but I didn't precisely know why. The stories of the groping, fondling, and overall non-consensual behavior of male attendees toward women was appalling. Could these stories be true? And, if they are true, am I so conditioned to ignore inappropriate behavior, trained to be quiet and to not make waves, that I'm blind to assault? Was I gaslighting these women for even questioning the validity of their claims? Had I overlooked questionable behavior from my friends because I know and trust them not to intentionally disrespect or harm the women around them?

Honestly, I didn't know.

Luckily, just at the right moment, the wicked gorgeous and brilliant Nephthys, the friend I referenced last night - the one who had gotten asked the legendary "Do you know Pyr0" question when she was getting hit on - popped up in IM. And I asked her about her experiences specifically at DEFCON over the years. Her answer made me sad.

Here's what she had to say:

Nephthys: I wholeheartedly support anti harassment policies. HUGELY. I think defcon has a long way to go to make it a female (or other minority) friendly place. I get harassed, yes. And I should get more angry about it than I do because some of those people are friends and there is not much one can do w/out people thinking poorly of you. It's a sucky sucky position to be put into so I laugh and "jokingly" scold while inside I'm heartbroken. In any other setting, I am firm about it. "Don't do that. That's rude and disrespectful".

Me: So why the double standard for DC?

Nephthys: Because that could and has been tossed back at me that I'm the bad guy for being a bitch or "it's all in good fun". It's tricky. I know that Gentleman Friend X is not a creeper and he would never hurt me. However, when he does things like that he's being "friendly". But turn it around, would they want their wife/daughter grabbed or talked that way to? Puts me in a weird place in that there instantly becomes this shift in dynamics. I'm no longer just one of the guys. I'm now this person who can be fondled or propositioned inappropriately. That makes me feel "less than". I had this talk with [redacted]. He said harassment didn't exist at con. He'd never seen it. I asked him how many times I had my ass or boobs grabbed or how many guys lasciviously asked me to go to their room to "see the view". The answer 3, 1, 2.

Oh.

She also indicated that, for years, she'd stopped going to con, in part, because of how she'd been treated.

Oh.

Yowch.

At that point, two things happened.

First, I went back to the podcast episode I recorded for Sharp Pointy Objects with a few of my friends who are sex workers - Diva, Saskia, and Vylette. And I was reminded what they had to say about living in a patriarchal society where sex is still a commodity, where men (and women) don't see women as equals, and why women are objectified at every turn. The same episode that concluded with me asking why feminism is considered a dirty word among women.

And then I went back to KC and found a follow up post in which she states: "I am not a big bad, huffing and puffing feminist. Actually, I have problems identifying as a feminist at all." She then goes on to say, "Also, please PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, stop telling me to simply not go to Defcon if I don't want to deal with this kind of behavior. That is a cop out of epic proportions. It is an attitude that devalues women in this scene that only serves to keep us invisible."

And, from that and the conversations I'd had earlier, I came to some conclusions.

1. Sexism exists everywhere. Even if I don't see it or recognize it, it's there. Some would disagree with this statement but I'll put it out there anyway...sexism particularly exists at con.

2. I gaslighted women when I made fun of the cards.

3. No matter what a woman does for a living she does not deserve to be harassed or assaulted. No does mean no regardless of the language you speak.

4. While I honestly do think the cards are ridiculously passive and silly - and disdainfully thought of them much the same way I would think of a junior high peer hall monitor handing out detention slips for sticking my chewed gum in the water fountain - they do serve a noble purpose. To get both men and women to pay attention and talking about what is acceptable and what most decidedly is not.

5. I am a feminist. And that's not a dirty word.

6. Finally, if I ever EVER see anyone I know (and luckily the jerks I know are actually good guys who wouldn't ever do this) harassing and/or assaulting a woman or a man who is clearly uncomfortable - even if it's just in "good fun" - I will, at the very least, verbally spank them and send them to his/her room. 

I think it's the least I can do.

I'd like to see more women at DEFCON...

Even if I do have to stand in line to pee.

Here's KC talking about the cards she made...

That's a Wrap

DEFCON XX is over.

Acr0nym, TC, and I rolled back into Denver just after 11 p.m. Monday night worn out and quiet - each of us keeping our own thoughts, mulling over what we'd just experienced, savoring our memories, and, for my part, wishing it hadn't ended quite yet.

It was...I don't know that I can tell you what or how it was. 

Insane. Hectic. Poignant. Glorious. Hysterical. Maddening. Bacchanalian. Exhausting in the end.

I'd gone with no expectations. 

Oh sure, I'd heard the stories...mostly of the Alexis Park shenanigans but I've learned that the best way to get the most out of an event like this is to just simply go and be prepared for anything and everything. So I didn't dwell too much on what might happen or what should happen and just let myself be in every moment as it came without worrying about past or future.

I could try to give you a blow by blow of all I did, what I saw, who I met and developed instant crushes on...but that is decidedly boring. It would be reporting and I'm not a reporter. Instead, I thought I would weave together some of my most favorite highlights without attempting to get mired down in too much context or describe in too much detail.

1. Hanging out with Stringer, Drunkwell, Th3 D0n, and Acr0nym (the badge heroes) as we made a mad scramble to assemble the Skytalks and the rest of the 303 badges - badges, I might add, that were interactive and chock full o' badassery.

2. Getting introduced to the delights of Yacht Rock and thinking I'll never be able to hear Hall and Oats ever again without thinking to myself, "What are you going to do, Sara? Smile?"

3. Watching Jason Scott zoom around continuously on his Segway as he tried to capture all the debauchery on camera for his documentary. I'm firmly convinced the only time he slept during con was when the battery was charging on his mode of transportation and even then he, in my opinion, must have slept standing up on the Segway ready to go at a moment's notice.

4. Speaking of transportation, seeing Coleslaw roll up on the Hoveround he'd rented for a mere $30 a day, slouching to the side, steering with one hand while holding a cocktail in the other, and hearing him say, "I am a lazy genius." Affirmative.

5. Hugging and hugging and hugging a bunch of my favorite folks.

6. Hearing the legendary line "Do you know Pyr0?" as a silly boy tried to pick up on the prettiest girl at con...a girl I not only adore but who actually does know Pyr0...hard not to when she's been a part of 303 longer than he has.

7. Telling a newb that DEFCON XXI has been canceled and watching his face fall.

8. Walking into the con area for the first time after open and seeing Spux's art literally everywhere...the Goon shirts, the Welcome banner, all the signage, one of the floor pieces, the sticker pack. She'd made herself so sick getting everything ready for con, she missed half of it.

9. Speaking of Spux...getting the word that, at the last minute, she was on her way and then running into her  tired, sick but happy ass as I walked down to my shift at the Info Booth on Saturday.

10 And speaking of last minute and unexpected "en route" messages...finding out that TC was able to catch an early flight out on Friday so he got to come after all.

11. Grilling TC for history lesson after history lesson of the 303 after meeting new-to-me faces with old names.

12. Knowing TC had my back when I unleashed at a well-deserving chump.

13. Getting red-carded by dis.

14. "SQUIRREL"ing everyone who fingered an attrition.org sticker or wristband on my last Info Booth shift.

15. And finally (at least for tonight), gathering most of the 303 family present in the rotunda just before opening the doors of the 303 party Saturday night and getting a family picture taken. 64 faces dating back to the beginning...some I don't know, some I likely won't ever really know, and some I love beyond all reason. It was a powerful and poignant moment in time to feel that kind of love and loyalty among so many. A degenerate family reunion indeed.

And that was my DEFCON.

I can't wait to go back.

What did you do this weekend?

PS Here's the documentary trailer Jason Scott showed at his talk on the first day of con. Many of the faces you'll see toward the end are faces of those I love best. 

PPS I have a couple more stories to share that I'll try to get up in the next couple of days. Namely, they are stories I've been told I have to write up before they are forgotten. Otherwise, this will be my official DEFCON post. The rest is stuff I don't want to share or really can't share. 

Sleep Deprivation Is a Good Thing, Right?

I can start my Def Con experience on only one hour of sleep...right?

Because that's all the sleep I got between excitement and attempting to sleep in a house that was not my own  on a couch with a structural flaw that lays a hard line smack across the small of my back.

But hey! Acr0nym is driving which means this girl shall be sleeping...uh...hopefully. I suppose I can sleep in a car if I'm tired enough...right?

Aw, shoot. Who am I kidding? I'm not sleeping for the next 5 days because...

I'M GOING TO DEF COOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

BRB

Riding the Wave Rolling Toward Def Con XX

I head for Las Vegas and the ensuing madness of Def Con XX in 9 days. For the last several weeks, the preparation for its chaos has been consuming many of the people I know, turning ordinary life on its head and creating a time-sucking black hole of anticipation and frenzied, unsettled energy as the players realize it's coming. Def Con is coming. And we're not ready.

It was like this last year too...and the year before. Before that, I wouldn't know. I didn't know most of these degenerates prior to Def Con 18. At least, not in this context. One can only assume it's just gotten bigger, weirder, and more frantic as the Con itself has gotten bigger, weirder, and more frantic.

The 303 area code is well represented at Def Con. From Spux, art nerd, who is ultimately responsible for some of the main DC art (she did the logo this year and some other stuff I'm not sure I'm supposed to mention so I won't), the SkyTalks art, as well as the 303 badge design, to the heavy on the 303 Goon Squad (including Acr0nym and TC), to the MoHawk Con - a fundraiser for the EFF started by Ed Word and Spux that takes place on the contest floor every year, and the 303 party which has become a staple of insanity all by itself, most of my inner circle - 3 of the 4 non-husbands, in fact - have been in over their heads for months.

Last year, in particular, I hung out on the fringes of this madness, watching the prep, lending an ear to the venting of frustration when someone *cough* FBus *cough* FUBAR'd the badges, giggled with glee when they managed to land MC Frontalot as the 303 party's entertainment, and generally just offered my moral support during the planning of what sounded as though it was to be an epic time...one I wouldn't get to see executed.

I was able to stay relatively removed from the excitement mostly. I was disappointed I wasn't going to get to attend but I'd managed to keep a distance between that disappointment and the fun my 303 family was about to have while still enjoying their company.

At least, that is, until I was asked, at the very last possible second, to write a portion of the text adventure they loaded onto the 303 badge (if you had a badge and played the game, I was responsible for the dead hooker. That was me. You're welcome). In return, I was rewarded with a badge of my own and all the swag that came with it. A badge that would have gotten me into a party 800 miles away.

The day the crew left for Vegas and Def Con 19 was a very hard day in the World of Jane. I felt left behind, excluded...as though I'd been instrumental in helping plan a major life event to which I wasn't invited. I heard from both Acr0nym and Spux sporadically over the 4 days of Con, which was nice to be thought of, but mostly I just felt...empty and kinda lonely. Fine. I felt abandoned. OK?

Like...they'd all been Raptured and I wasn't.

Hold on a second, I'm laughing maniacally at the thought of them all getting Raptured. Hee hee. Hee hee. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


*whew* OK. I think I can move on now.

So that was last year.

This year, I'm going too and no one can stop me. I'm not going to be left behind again, waiting to hear all about Con - something no one actually wants to talk about after Con is over - and marking time until life gets back to normal. No no. I'm a part of this wave of frenetic energy and I cannot wait!

However, along with the wave we're all riding is this wicked sense of unrest. It's not a bad thing necessarily. There's been a huge upswing in attendance at weekly meet ups. There have been extra gatherings - BBQ's, weekday suppers out, and, in the case of last week with the special guest appearance by Jason Scott, together time to reminisce about Def Cons past. There's a lot of DC history among this crew. A couple who have been attending since Def Con 2 and vastly more who've been making the annual pilgrimage since 4. All of the extra activity has been fun - perhaps especially for me as it gives me context for just how far back some of the relationships travel. I'm seeing the threads connecting individuals, weaving the web of community, tying people together in ways I hadn't expected. Also too, it's been wonderful to see people like DJ Jackalope come strolling out of the woodwork just in time to get her fancy dance pants on to work all the parties.

But this wave? It's also wildly distracting. And I feel as though I'm looking at the world from a bottom of a well. Not knowing what to expect or what to want out of my first Con. I'm certainly learning Con isn't a 5-day adventure. Con is also a 4-month ordeal leading up to it.

My only goals now are three-fold:

1) Come out of it alive
2) while remaining law enforcement record free and
3) unmolested by that instrument of hilarity known as The Sharpie.

It's Possible I Occasionally Lack Sound Judgment

I popped a rib slightly out of its socket yesterday morning.

Now it kinda hurts to do stuff. You know, like bend over, cough, laugh and generally live life. (As an aside, I just re-read that sentence and it now sounds as though instead of a bad rib, I was having my prostate checked...which I wasn't. I don't even have a prostate.)

Despite the pain, I was bound and determined to get up to Denhac yesterday as Jason Scott - the mastermind behind Get Lamp and BBS: The Documentary - was in town filming interviews for one of his latest projects...a documentary about Defcon. You'd think, since I've never been to Defcon, I wouldn't have anything to contribute. And you would be (mostly) right. However, the point wasn't for me to offer up my perspective (although I did do a brief pre-con experience interview) as much as it was for me to watch the process, listen to Scott's interview style, and hear what my friends might say about the Defcon years leading up to XX.

So I loaded up on ibuprofen and tromped up there for the day.

It was terrific! 

Loads of people - some I don't see very often - came up to interview. There was food and drink. There was merriment...especially when "Roy" got on a tear and I had to beg him to stop making me laugh as every guffaw also induced sharp, jabbing pain and unattractive facial contortions.

We even had a bit of excitement when a transformer located 100 yards away and directly in my line of sight at the time blew in spectacular fashion and knocked our power out for an hour.

However, I forgot one thing. Additional ibuprofen. So, by early evening, I was in pretty sorry shape. Luckily, St. Jude was there and took me in hand. Well...OK really she gave me ibuprofen from her stash and then took me back in the classroom, laid me out on the concrete floor¹ and worked on getting the rib back into place. 

Which was a relief.

But now the muscle around the rib is traumatized and inflamed. Rather than resting as I should have, I overdid it yesterday, and am now paying for it today as I awkwardly try to type while lying horizontally on top of an ice pack².

Awesome. So much for the gothnic this afternoon and the BBQ tonight.

It was still worth every ounce of pain I'm feeling today.

Additionally, better this happened now than 2 weeks from now. I'm Defcon bound, y'all. 17 days and counting.

w00t!

1: Note to self: That floor is filthy dirty. Get mop.

2: Note to self: Do not read anything on the list while lying on an ice pack attempting to recover from injury. People like Roy are on there and they make you laugh. Hard.

KHAAAAAAAAN!

Have you ever been to a Con? 

For those of you who have no idea what I mean, a "con" is a convention centered around some kind of geekery...Comic-Con, Dragon*Con, and any number of other cons that cater to the masses of all manner of geeks everywhere. There are cons for anime, comics, gamers, Bronies (people - mostly grown men - who are into My Little Pony in a BIG way and no, I'm totally not making that shit up), BDSM, Cosplay, Star Trek...if it can be geeked out on, there's a con for it. 

Is there a Rule 34 equivalent to cons??? I digress.

I've been to a couple of cons held annually in Denver. 1,000+ attendees, relatively small and chill, and a lot of fun.

But I've never been to a large con ever. And I've wanted to go to two for a long time...desperately.

Dragon*Con and...

DEF CON.

Unfortunately, I will likely never get to go to Dragon*Con. Not unless something drastically changes with my employment. As much as I've examined my options at every angle for a month of Sundays, the timing of that particular con sucks. No ifs, ands, or buts.

But DEF CON? That is another matter all together.

Now...if you don't know what DEF CON is - and I'm guessing most of you probably don't but didn't want to click through on the link because you are absolutely riveted by me - DEF CON is one of the longest, continuously running, largest hacker conventions in the world. 

Oh yes. I said it. Hackers.

It's actually nothing like this. There is a whole lot more liquor and a whole lot less rollerskating, for one (or is it two??? And please, Jeebus, don't let TC on rollerskates). And uh...a whole lot less spinning (that's not liquor-induced).

It's (hacker) not a dirty word, you know, no matter what mainstream media would have you believe. Frankly, there are an awful lot of hackers out there who are protecting YOU from the security fallacies committed by your banks, your schools, your employers, yourselves.

Don't believe me?

Meet The Tiger Team...a few of my friends - yes, they really are that cool, brilliant, and adorable in person. (If you want more of Nickerson and Ryan, check out their podcast, Exotic Liability.)

Don't think the FBI, CIA, and Homeland Security recruit the DEF CON attendees?

Think again.

Anyway!

I've wanted to go to DEF CON for a long time. And this year, THIS YEAR, especially, I wanted to go because it is DEF CON XX - 20 years! - 20 since it began. There is sure to be an epic number of attendees and ultimate shenanigans.

So, yesterday, on tenterhooks, I went to my boss - terrified she'd say no - to ask for the time off.

She immediately took out her (paper) calendar and marked off my vacation request stating, "Really, there isn't a better time for you to be gone."

My thoughts exactly.

So...

Guess who has two thumbs and is going to DEF CON 20?

THIS girl!

I KNOW! Right?!

Not only that but, because of her connections, guess who has two thumbs and is in the position - through her, frankly, extraordinary connections - of Goon Squading the con? Something seriously out-of-con-geekery-trol?

THIS girl!

Yeah.

I've got my riding crop at the ready.

Heading toward DEF CON. BRB.

DEF...KHAAAAAAAAAN!