The Ends of the Odd

1) Well...

I did it.

I finally managed to read through the entire lot of unread blog posts on my feed.

Alright, fine.

I cheated.

But that's only because some people (I'm looking at you, Warren Ellis) post eleventy-billion times a day and frankly? I don't have time for His Wordiness when I haven't read my blog feed in a month.

Whew! I can cross that off my to-do list.

2) Also? I've been reduced to drinking instant coffee at work.

Holy-Mary-Mother-of-Baby-Jesus-Why-In-the-Highest-Heaven-Above-Would-I-Do-Something-As-Crazy-As-That?

Because.

It's cheap.

And it doesn't require me to buy into the "good" stuff and have to learn how to use this crazy coffee pot one of my favorite - and biggest coffee snob - co-workers decided would be of the awesome to put in the employee lounge for use with the "good" coffee.

And since my boss will not allow a mini-pot to be used in my office for fear of fire, I must use my electric tea kettle of which I've blogged before here which contains an automatic shut off feature the moment the water is boiling.

Thus, instant coffee.

It's not that bad...per se. And, OK, to be honest, I bought that double mocha cappuccino stuff...like General Foods International Coffee that comes in a quaint little can.

Don't judge me.

3) Remember how just days ago I blogged about the revenge of the arachnids I imagined up?

It was not just my imagination.

The very next day, I took a nap after work and when I awoke, I awoke to this:

And I was willing to chock that all up to coincidence.

But then after I awoke from my second-day-in-a-row afternoon nap yesterday and found this:

I now understand I am under siege for the bloodshed of the innocent. And I'm resigned to it.

But if I find the culprit(s) lurking in my bed?

Oh yes. You guessed it. They are so dead.

4) I've discovered that, while Vinny is of the precious cupcake variety cat, he is also not photogenic.

I know this because this morning as I was singing "C" is for Cookie to him because he was in a "C" shape and decided to take a picture because he was adorable, it turned out looking like this:

And you can't really see the Essence of Cute that is Vinny.

But thinking it was just the photographer (me), I tried again to capture his essence when he moved his paw up to cover his ear to indicate that perhaps my singing was not to his liking and came up with this:

I decided perhaps the problem isn't me and is, in fact, the fact that he's all black and that just doesn't translate well...especially against a dark background.

Oh well. I haven't post gratuitous kitty shots in awhile so deal...please.

5) The audit is all but over.

One more day - Monday - for final questions and review of open invoices and I am done.

Done. Done. DONE!

For another 9 months.

w00t!

6) You may have noticed an extra special addition to the blog today.

The new blog banner announcing that you have landed at Jane In Her Infinite Wisdom.

A ginormous thank you goes out to Owen - graphic designer extraordinaire - for designing it for me.

Note that the glass of wine is half full - important because I am an optimist and I drink lots of wine - and that it incorporates knitting because I am, after all, a pretend knitter.

Additionally, another HUGE thank you must go out to Ms. Noire who must like me an awful lot to have made all the changes to this blog to make it a happier place for us all to be and then came back and added the banner which, to no one's surprise, didn't work in Internet Explorer.

However, she is the Conqueror of the Bill Gates Universe and she simply told IE off in the witty way she has and voila! Blog banner appears no matter the browser.

YAY!

I am so fortunate to have such lovely and talented friends who are willing to take care of me in this way.

And that, I do believe, Dear Readers, can conclude this miscellaneous clean up post of things rumbling around in my head.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's gin to be drunk.

G'night.

Some Thoughts Are Best Left Unthunked or Revenge of the Arachnids

I am not a fan of the spider.

OK, fine.

I'm terrified of spiders.

Happy?

Intellectually I understand they are all around do-gooders and an essential part of the Earth's ecosystem.

I totally get that. Embrace it even. Think it's of the awesome.

However, I've never met a spider who had any respect whatsoever for my personal space bubble.

Take yesterday morning, for instance.

There I am, minding my own business, smoking a last cigarette before heading off to work, reveling in my early morning day dreams, when a spider, unbeknown to me, crept sneakily from his hidey hole onto my shoulder and hitched a ride into my kitchen.

At which point I felt a slight tickling sensation on my neck.

Thinking it was just a stray hair, I reached up to brush the tickle away and felt a squashy mound under my hand...a squashy mound I promptly threw to the floor.

And this is what I saw staring back up at me - frozen in attack stance:

I would love to tell you that I calmly scooped him up on a sturdy piece of cardboard and gently deposited him back out.

But no.

I freaked.

And I squashed him like a bug.

*warning: re-enactment of a homicide ahead*

I know. I'm a terrible human being.

So this morning, I head out to smoke after I've fed the cat and I get to thinking about that spider and the nerve of it landing on me. ME! Like I'm some kind of rapid transit from point A to point B.

And all of a sudden I am gripped with a horrifying thought.

What if that spider had friends.

Friends who saw what I did.

Friends who spent the entire day and night plotting revenge against a murderer?

I'm not sure I'll ever recover from the thought.

Whereupon Our Heroine Screams Like a Little Girl

So I was finishing up my morning constitutional and had the toilet paper in hand ready to close the deal as it were, when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.

It was a big, juicy centipede and he was hanging out on the roll like it was 10th and Broadway after the bars closed...

You know, drunk and ready for a breakfast of, say, me?

And I am unashamed to admit that I dropped the roll and screamed.

Loud.

At least he didn't land in my underpants.

And that, internet friends, is being caught with your pants down...literally.