Silly Things Excite Me

YOU GUYS! YOUGUYS YOUGUYS YOUGUYS!!!

I have something to show you. And I'm so excited about it. It's completely weird and awesome and I feel somewhat triumphant although I've had nothing to do with it. And now y'all will know just what a freak I am but...

Last night, at Owen's Birthday Bash, Acr0nym captured a picture.

A picture of the back of my head.

And this picture? It makes me so happy! Although, when Acr0nym showed it to me for the first time and I went, "Holy shitsnax!" he thought maybe he'd done something wrong. He hadn't. He'd done something just exactly right.

Witness: The Silver Fox.





And before you ask, yes, that is all natural curl (the bane of my teenage existence) and no, I don't really have a lot of hair...I just have a really big nugget and yes, I need a haircut (next week it's scheduled) and yes, I slouch. My posture is terrible.

Still...YOU GUYS! My Hair! It's going silver!!! In glorious sheets of glistening grey!

I had absolutely no idea there was such a stark contrast between front/side and back. (Clearly my worries and crazy haven't yet hit my backside...of my head anyway.)

It's kinda...if you squint real hard...a little punk rock! No wonder my stylist won't let me apply a drop of color to it. It's...it's...it's REALLY COOL! (How do you like all that emphasis?)

WOOO HOOO! Look at all that GREY!

Shuddup. Stop laughing (Delta Bravo, I'm totally looking at you o_O).

It's the little things, y'all.

I know. I know. You think this is weird. I AM weird. That's the best part.

Ill-Fitting

Were you popular in school?

I, most decidedly, was not ever popular.

Throughout all of junior high and much of high school, I tended to hover around the fringes of the different kids - not really getting to know many people very well. And the ones I did know - most of them - were, like me, outcasts - we pretended it was by choice.

At some point, I thought I stopped caring about fitting in. I certainly pretended not to care that the party invitations didn't come or that I didn't have the "right" clothes or the "right" hair or the "right" address. I began to do things my own way. This typically entailed Easter egg colored hair dye, piercings (before even the cheerleaders had them), and Salvation Army label clothes.

I suspect what I was really trying to do was give them a reason to ostracize me rather than wonder why I was ostracized. At least, if my hair was pink (or fire engine red, or blue), I thought I knew.

As an adult, I've never really tried much to fit in. I go to work, I come home. I don't tend to socialize with my co-workers (although there are a few with whom I most certainly would...if they asked). I go out with friends - friends whose primary groups I hover around the fringes...303, Shelter, among others. I blog...for me and for the few people who read me. But, as a rule, I don't really try to fit in anywhere.

So I don't know why it bothers me so much to look at the pictures Schmutzie posted on her blog from a blogger conference held in Nashville last weekend I didn't know about or to read entries on Uncle Typewriter and Geekin' Hard and Letters From a Small State's blogs about a silly little blog meme going around whereby bloggers get "awarded" a special "Stylish Blog" award by other bloggers.

But all of a sudden, I feel like I'm 13 again, without friends, smiling shyly, wishing people would like me. Wondering why they don't.

I look at Schmutzie's pictures of all these bloggers and I think to myself, "They all look so put together and I am so not all put together. They're all women with a purpose and I can't even manage to accessorize appropriately."

And I can't even find a niche being subversive because A) I'm not subversive and B) it's already being done. 

But then I have to remind myself...while I blog, I'm not a blogger. I'm not exactly one of them. I blog about Nothing. Like Seinfeld without a Thursday night line up. Real but not normal. At least, that's what Lex says.

I'm just...me..."Just Jane"...in my infinite wisdom. A place where I dump all the thoughts I have that don't fit in anywhere else. I guess I shouldn't expect then to fit in with anyone else.

Still...sometimes I do think it would be nice to fit in. Somewhere.