WTF Does Man-ip-ute Even Mean?!

I'm sorry, Mom. But I'm getting ready to swear...a lot.

Yesterday, I was reading an article on a shall-remain-nameless web magazine entitled Ten Things You Should Know About Men.

Written by an alleged relationship "expert", this article laid out the most basic needs - I mean, besides beef and beer - of anyone. Not just men. Things like men need praise, respect, encouragement yadda yadda yadda.

A fourth grader who'd ever had a best friend could have written this article it was so basic.

It was the worst relationship article I believe I've ever read. But what got me, and when I say got me I mean steam coming out of my ears pissed off, aside from the recommendation to fake orgasms to boost his ego, was that this so-called relationship expert continually encouraged women to be manipulative to get what they want.

I shit you not.

These are 10 things EVERY woman needs to know so she can Man-ip-ute™ her man into getting the love she deserves and becoming the ultimate Man-ip-ulator™.

Direct fucking quote, y'all.

And whatever the hell does "Mani-ip-ute" mean anyway? I'm afraid to ask the author.

From Dictionary.com:

ma·nip·u·late

–verb (used with object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing.

1. to manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.

2.to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skillfully, or deviously

In essence, this "expert" is encouraging women to act in a deceitful manner and urging her readers to act deviously to strengthen her relationship.


Can you hear the screaming that's happening in my head?

Manipulation is in the top 5 behaviors no healthy relationship should contain! It's right up there with passive-aggression, physical abuse, cheating, and deception.

This is a magazine I'd like to have some respect for as one of the contributors is a personal friend - and frequent blog commenter! - of mine. It's also a magazine to which I'll be submitting a writing sample to, hopefully, get a steady writing gig.

So it was difficult for me not to post a scathing retort to the drivel the author was spewing.

I'd like to think I'll be able to contribute something that changes the direction of the advice given to readers. I'd like to think I'll be able to help some of the readers actually develop healthy relationships.

But, I'll be honest, it gave me pause, pissed me off, and had me thinking that this was not a publication with which I'd want to be affiliated.

And then I realized, the editor is reasonable and wants a direction for the mag toward which I could contribute. I do want to help people. And I do want to give really good advice to people who may need it.

But please, oh please, oh hell the fuck no, please do not place anything I write anywhere near this stupid relationship "expert". She's the Sarah Palin of relationship advice...setting women back 50 years one article at a time.

Why You Gotta Be Like That?

Disclaimer: I don't know where this will go. This has been bubbling to the surface from my sub-conscious.

Women are really mean to one another.

I don't know why this is.

But. It's like...we hold each other to a higher standard than we do men.

I'm not talking exclusively about sex here. I'm not really talking about the double standard slut vs. stud. I'm just talking about general meanness. Judgment.

There seem to be behaviors that, when exhibited by a man, most women shrug their shoulders and think, "Eh. He's a man. What do you expect?" and then go about their everyday business. However, when a woman displays the exact same behavior the world stops and the swift fist of female judgment swings down like a gavel and the end result is typically tears...occasional scratches and bite marks. Possibly chunks of hair littering the battle ground.

And I don't understand.

Is it biological?

Is it a result of insecurities, jealousies, the absence of chemical investments (i.e. sexual attraction)?

I don't think that's entirely it. Sure, those are a part of it. But certainly not all.

I've expressed an opinion of concern before...the exact same opinion a male friend has expressed...about a mutual friend. Our friend merely poo poo'd the words of our male friend but hell fire and damnation rained upon my head for voicing my concerns.

Why?

Were the words more powerful because they came from a woman? Certainly the opinion wasn't coming from a place of jealousy or insecurity. It wouldn't appear that the reaction manifested from those places either.

Is the friendship with me less valuable even though both relationships are platonic?

Do we get something from our male/female relationships - particularly platonic relationships - that we do not get from our female/female relationships?

Are we less invested? And, if so, why would we be less invested based on gender alone?

Maybe it's because women are more likely to be honest with each other than with men thus creating a situation where reactions are much more intense because there is mis-directed/suppressed anger toward men?

It doesn't make any sense.

Maybe I don't make any sense.

Regardless, I hate this about women. We need to be...nicer to one another.

It's one thing to set a standard for the people in our lives, to hold them accountable for behaviors, and to also adjust standards based solely on the person not the potential. It's another thing entirely to adjust those standards depending solely on someone's gender.

Excuse Me, Dear, But Your Paranoia is Showing

I can't say I care for the company of many women much.

There is a reason why women are stereotyped as sneaky, emotional, manipulative, insecure shrews.

This I learned in junior high.

I think it has something to do with hormones.

Because once the hormones hit during puberty, girls turn into creatures. Weird, crazy creatures from the deep.

And so often women don't grow out of it.

For years after having been hurt excessively by the behavior of 3 women in particular, I surrounded myself with male friends and did not have any women friends to speak of...acquaintances certainly but not close girlfriends.

Now I've managed to surround myself with several lovely women friends - women who are smart, funny, and, above all, secure in themselves and unlikely to try to manipulate the people in their lives.

However, I've been burned...badly.

And while I have most certainly moved on from the "I hate her" stage to the "I couldn't give a rat's ass less about her" stage, I don't forget.

So, when my hackles get raised - in essence, start witnessing behavior that is similar - I have a tendency to rush to paranoia...to protect myself...to close myself off...to become guarded, weary, tight.

Deserved?

Time will tell.

But the warning bells resounded and I am on guard.