Take the Draw

I don't know what day it is.

I don't know what date it is.

All I know is that, after staring at multiple year spreadsheets for 10 hours today, I've got the dawning recognition that I've been doing it wrong for the last 3 years and oh shit! Now I have to admit it in order to correct it. Mostly because I don't know how to correct it.

I have the current job I have now, not because I have a degree in accounting but, because I have a "global perspective". I was offered the position after the accountant quit to go manage his South American gold mine (no, I'm not kidding) and his replacement was...er...uh...well, let's just say she wasn't a good fit. My boss, when she offered me the position, said, "I can teach you accounting. I can't teach you the mission. You've got THAT in spades."

Except she didn't teach me accounting. She just said, "Look up what [redacted] did on his worksheets."

And his worksheets were adapted to what his replacement did...activities I can't necessarily trust.

So, today, after 3 years in the job, I finally realized I'd been doing something terribly terribly wrong.

I mean, I had a sneaking suspicion last year that I was doing something wrong...I just didn't know what. Today, I finally realized what it was I was doing wrong. But now I don't know quite how far back I have to go in order to correct it. The first, competent accountant did it entirely different than the second, bad fit but still, by-the-book accountant did it. Whose path do I follow? What's my correcting entry?

I don't know!

I'm not stupid. But I'm certainly uneducated. And it's times like these that make me feel as though I'm a fraud.

This is not helping me with all the recent hits to my self-esteem.

Don't move until you see it. - Ben Kingsley in Searching for Bobby Fischer



Starting at about 5:20...that's what I want you to see. And again (most especially starting at 7:58) and the line is at 8:55.

I love this movie.

Trick or treat.

An Interlude

I'm woefully behind on reading my blog reader again, Folks.

I've been attending a work conference for the last few days and still have 2 more days of sessions before I'll have time for anything having to do with my personal life but I'm chomping at the bit to catch up with everyone.

Speaking of the conference, I received what I consider to be the best conference swag ever. It's what every professional party of one hostess needs...

A mini-martini shaker.




It is SO cute!

And no, you can't have it.

Even though I have the gin and juice (olive), I have not the time to concoct a martini. At least not until next Friday night...just in time for the post-apoca-audit party because...

It's official!

The audit is over and I can get back to my regularly scheduled program...just as soon as this conference is over.

And then I'll be Bahamas bound and do you know what happens in the Bahamas?

No really. I'm asking. Do you know what happens in the Bahamas? Because I don't. But I'm happily ready to find out.

I suspect it'll be me happening...attempting to find shade...cocktail and book in hand.

And there will be naps. Lots and lots of naps.

The Ends of the Odd

1) Well...

I did it.

I finally managed to read through the entire lot of unread blog posts on my feed.

Alright, fine.

I cheated.

But that's only because some people (I'm looking at you, Warren Ellis) post eleventy-billion times a day and frankly? I don't have time for His Wordiness when I haven't read my blog feed in a month.

Whew! I can cross that off my to-do list.

2) Also? I've been reduced to drinking instant coffee at work.

Holy-Mary-Mother-of-Baby-Jesus-Why-In-the-Highest-Heaven-Above-Would-I-Do-Something-As-Crazy-As-That?

Because.

It's cheap.

And it doesn't require me to buy into the "good" stuff and have to learn how to use this crazy coffee pot one of my favorite - and biggest coffee snob - co-workers decided would be of the awesome to put in the employee lounge for use with the "good" coffee.

And since my boss will not allow a mini-pot to be used in my office for fear of fire, I must use my electric tea kettle of which I've blogged before here which contains an automatic shut off feature the moment the water is boiling.

Thus, instant coffee.

It's not that bad...per se. And, OK, to be honest, I bought that double mocha cappuccino stuff...like General Foods International Coffee that comes in a quaint little can.

Don't judge me.

3) Remember how just days ago I blogged about the revenge of the arachnids I imagined up?

It was not just my imagination.

The very next day, I took a nap after work and when I awoke, I awoke to this:

And I was willing to chock that all up to coincidence.

But then after I awoke from my second-day-in-a-row afternoon nap yesterday and found this:

I now understand I am under siege for the bloodshed of the innocent. And I'm resigned to it.

But if I find the culprit(s) lurking in my bed?

Oh yes. You guessed it. They are so dead.

4) I've discovered that, while Vinny is of the precious cupcake variety cat, he is also not photogenic.

I know this because this morning as I was singing "C" is for Cookie to him because he was in a "C" shape and decided to take a picture because he was adorable, it turned out looking like this:

And you can't really see the Essence of Cute that is Vinny.

But thinking it was just the photographer (me), I tried again to capture his essence when he moved his paw up to cover his ear to indicate that perhaps my singing was not to his liking and came up with this:

I decided perhaps the problem isn't me and is, in fact, the fact that he's all black and that just doesn't translate well...especially against a dark background.

Oh well. I haven't post gratuitous kitty shots in awhile so deal...please.

5) The audit is all but over.

One more day - Monday - for final questions and review of open invoices and I am done.

Done. Done. DONE!

For another 9 months.

w00t!

6) You may have noticed an extra special addition to the blog today.

The new blog banner announcing that you have landed at Jane In Her Infinite Wisdom.

A ginormous thank you goes out to Owen - graphic designer extraordinaire - for designing it for me.

Note that the glass of wine is half full - important because I am an optimist and I drink lots of wine - and that it incorporates knitting because I am, after all, a pretend knitter.

Additionally, another HUGE thank you must go out to Ms. Noire who must like me an awful lot to have made all the changes to this blog to make it a happier place for us all to be and then came back and added the banner which, to no one's surprise, didn't work in Internet Explorer.

However, she is the Conqueror of the Bill Gates Universe and she simply told IE off in the witty way she has and voila! Blog banner appears no matter the browser.

YAY!

I am so fortunate to have such lovely and talented friends who are willing to take care of me in this way.

And that, I do believe, Dear Readers, can conclude this miscellaneous clean up post of things rumbling around in my head.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's gin to be drunk.

G'night.

Good News/Bad News

First the good news:

At about 2 p.m. today, I finished the last schedule for my final audit preparation...2 days early.

Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the fieldwork circus to begin.

Now the bad news:

Tomorrow I'm getting on a plane to go to a family reunion.

No, that's not the bad news...even though it is with my father and his immediate family. I was actually looking forward to it - seeing my crazy cousins even.

And most especially seeing my sisters.

But the actual bad news is that this morning I woke up and I am sick with the post-apoca-audit cold...a month early.

Not oh-my-god-of-all-things-horrendously-miserable-and-phlegmtastic sick...yet.

But sick enough that it's not even 6 p.m. and I'm ready to crawl into my bed and pass out.

But I have to go. Not only because it would cost me more to do a change on my plane ticket than the actual ticket cost but because, you know, my dad's sister and brother are in their 80's and likely won't be around for another of these shindigs.

So...

Off I go. To be THAT person on the airplane we all hate, traveling sick and spreading the germy love.

Maybe the Anxiety Dreams Will Stop Now

This afternoon, long about 2 p.m, something exciting happened.

I had spent the morning with fixed assets - the bane of my working existence. I reconciled the general ledger with the fixed assets system, created the audit schedule for the year, had a second pair of eyes double and then triple check it, and uploaded it to the auditor's portal.

Last year, this took me a week.

This year? 12 hours.

At the moment the file uploaded, the audit train rounded a bend in the year end track and I saw it.

The light.

At the end of the tunnel.

I'm almost there. I can feel it and I'm breathing a bit easier tonight.

Unless, of course, that's a speeding train hurtling headlong into mine in a twisted game of chicken.

So You Go & You Stand On Your Own

I'm supposed to be working.

I have a shitpile of fixed assets to retire before I can move forward with everything else on my audit to do list.

Instead, I'm attempting to get caught up on my blog roll. Because seriously? 299 unread posts?

I guess that's what happens when you virtually follow a bunch of writers around. They actually write stuff that then needs to be read. And the more days that pass during which I don't have time to read, the more entries get posted and the further behind I feel.

I had a quiet mini weep fest at the goth club last night.

It sounds so cliche...right out of a Smiths song, doesn't it?

Alas, that would be me Morrissey must have been singing about...and not in a good way.

When I'm tired - and I suppose this is likely true for nearly everyone - I lose all my ability to filter. Add gin to that equation and, well, I suspect (read remember) myself of saying and doing things last night that appall me today.

Amends will likely have to be made.

I hope everyone really likes cake.

T minus 2 weeks

Audit season and I have a love/hate relationship.

It loves me and I hate it.

Actually no, that's not true.

This time of year is one of both exhilaration and exhaustion, elation and frustration.

Every day I start off energetic, ready to face the challenges.

And every day is different.

Sometimes I feel like I've got a handle on everything thrown my way.

Other days, by noon I'm overwhelmed and defeated.

This week has been a month of Monday mornings and I've left my office brain dead each day.

I've spun my wheels, pulled into a million different directions, unable to finish one task before getting torn away to focus on something else.

I'm fairly certain I would have been done with everything by now if I could have had just one week where I did only my job and phones didn't ring, e-mails didn't come flooding in, and fixed assets systems worked properly.

Why is it always fixed assets?

Why?

Trial By Fire

At 6 a.m. I had thought of a hysterical blog topic.

No really!

I did.

And I even thought to myself, "That's so funny I totally won't forget about writing this down."

Uh huh.

And then I got into my office and apoca-audit was totally blasting me in the face and I did the unthinkable.

I forgot what the hell was so funny.

So now here I am, 9:03 p.m. and I got nothin'.

So, instead, I'm going to tell you about my first audit in 2008.

First, just so you understand, fiscal year ends June 30th for us.

So when my predecessor was terminated in April and I was promoted, it was just as the audit hurricane winds were beginning to blow.

Now, I hadn't the slightest idea what an audit entailed. Hell! I didn't have the faintest idea of what a financial month end close entailed.

But I found out and quickly.

OK - so I got promoted. And, since there was no one to replace me in my old position immediately, I did both jobs.

And then our brand new audit team - as in brand new, their firm had never worked with us before - began asking for pre-audit paperwork.

And then one of my co-workers in another department sustained a major injury and was off the job for several months. Meanwhile, we discovered that no one in the building actually knew how to do his job.

So, in addition to my new job I was still trying to learn and my old job, I took on half the duties of my co-worker and learned his job.

To top it all off, we had a major acquisition...I mean MAJOR acquisition just as the fiscal year was ending, a major event to plan, the DNC was gearing up, and another special 2-week event took place.

Oh yeah.

And I moved back into the city.

I'd forgotten that summer. Hell! I forgot that summer as it was happening. I'm not sure I even remember it being summer at all. I don't think it was. I think it went from June 30th to September 1st and we skipped over July and August completely.

But I was reminded about it the other day when talking to Kristin and I had to laugh aloud...maniacally.

Because as bad as I think this summer has been? It ain't shit compared to that one.

For All Intents & Purposes

June 29th is now laid to rest.

There may be an entry or two that will pop up and, of course, expenses will come rolling in for the next couple of weeks that'll need to be booked back to that date.

But!

That doesn't have much to do with me.

So it's now on to June 30th. The longest day of the year. Not by hours of daylight certainly. But by number of days it actually encompasses.

What a relief to be moving forward...even if it's just 24 hours.

The next thing I know, I'll look up and it'll be Labor Day.

Labor Day - when Nykki comes home from New Zealand to get married, when I go back to Casper where most of my ghosts reside, when I can relax just a teeny bit in the present before I start living in July.

Oh crap!

It's audit season.

And apparently last summer's easy peasey breezy season was an aberration.

Lots o' stuff going on - extra, weird, crazy stuff. But nothing I can really discuss (it's the law).

Bottom line?

Oh crap oh crap oh crap.

OH CRAP!!!!

I can so totally do this. Who needs sleep anyway...right?