What's in Your Wallet?

Jenni, sister extraordinaire, is participating in a Meisner workshop.

I'd never heard of the Meisner method until she told me she'd signed up so I, of course, did what I do and turned to the wiki for information.

Wow.

Interesting.

Sounds great...right?

She began part 1 while I was there in September and since then I've been following her progress via occasional facebook status updates and a couple of phone conversations. Meisner is tapping into some pretty heavy emotion for the participants. She kind of sounds worn out frankly. So when I talked with her on Christmas day, I asked her if she was glad for the break from class and all the "FEELINGS". Her response surprised me. She said not really.

I think...I think it opened up cans of worms for her...it created a sense of vulnerability where the only "safety" she found was at class with others in the same boat.

Intense.

Part 2 of Meisner starts soon. She told me it's the hardest section because this quarter they will be working on tapping into emotions they keep hidden.

Let us take pause. I'd really like it if you would stop and just think about that for a moment. Let it sink in and realize what that means for you.

Dig deep. What's there? What do you keep so hidden, you don't even know it's there? Is it rage? Is it shame? Is it terror?

Yeah.

Intense to the ^nth power.

Now I've dug deeply. I don't know that I'll ever reach the end of the well, but I'm really in touch with myself and what makes me tick. I believe I know what's hidden. And it's hidden for a very good reason. Unleashing it for others to see though? Been there. Done that in both a controlled and an uncontrolled environment. And uh yeah. No. Mine. You can't have it. You really really don't want it.

And while she was talking with me about it, I was reminded of the Fellowship of the Ring as they traversed the mines of Moria. The dwarves dug too deeply and too greedily. They awoke Shadow & Flame.

You may be able to think about what it is you keep hidden and feel a slight discomfort in the clinical knowledge of what is there. Imagine though, knowing it and then allowing yourself to FEEL it, immerse yourself in it, and let others be a witness to it...to experience it with you, to be caught up in it with you.

And if that doesn't scare you, you're probably not ready to face yourself.

I think Jenni is very very brave.