Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Are You the Key Master?

I have a confession to make.

I haven't written anything more than a blog post in quite some time...longer than I'm willing to admit.

And this bothers me tremendously.


Because I fancy myself a writer. I tell people I write. But that's a lie. A lie as big as my head1. I told myself for the longest time I wasn't writing because I had no inspiration...nothing that struck me as an engrossing subject with which to engage and enthrall anyone...not even me.

About a year ago though, an idea began to take shape. And not only did it begin to take shape, it caught me up in it, began to twist around in my brain and become hopelessly entangled with all my other daily thoughts. Before I knew it, it had expanded from 3 seemingly random protagonists' stories loosely tied together with a somewhat common theme, to a veritable collection of stories with a clear, dominant theme.

I can see each character in my mind. I know how the stories each play out. I know how they act, react, speak.

And yet, I am unable to lay out even one sentence, an outline, or a summary.

I tell myself it's because I just don't have time. I tell myself it's because my writing setup at home isn't ideal...too many distractions, no smoking in the house2, too light/too dark.

But the truth is that I'm afraid.

What if I can't? What if I do and it's awful? What if I get stuck? What if I open my literary mouth and nothing comes out?

The stories are there. It's all there. Locked up tight.

And I haven't found the key.

1: And I have a really big head...literally. Not freakishly so...I mean, I can wear regular hats and stuff but just, you know, big.

2: Just to write a blog entry of any length or depth, I spend a lot of time pacing and smoking.


Anonymous said...

first of all STOP IT! *laugh*

secondly what if you start by just writing little vignettes about the characters and whatnot, or just doing character outlines or something to just get started?

third - your head isn't that big! it's proportionate to the rest of your body you know, if it was any smaller well that would be freaky...

zero hour said...

When I get 'clogged up" I force myself to just start any randome writing,spurts of thoughts and warms ya up...
and big deal, what if you DON'T like something you tear it up and start over..BFD!
You never know til you DO it!
noone is judging you but
yea...STOP IT!

now ,get to it little missy!!!!