Monday, September 06, 2010

The Best Laid Plans

Today is a very important day in the blogosphere1.

Today is the birthday of Jane In Her Infinite Wisdom.

The 1st birthday, as a matter of fact.

Over the course of the last year, I've regaled you with over 400 tales from my single life, stories from my past, stories from my present, observations about friends...and enemies...and strangers.

It's been an interesting year.

On the surface, it wouldn't appear much has changed.

I'm still single...and loving it. Still living with The Lex and The Cat in the heart of Denver. Still having my singular sensational adventures.

And yet...

One year ago today, I wrote about my first love...made, hmmm...made fun of him even maybe a little bit.

Not knowing that the next day...the VERY NEXT DAY...he would be dead.

And that changed me.

Changed my mind, changed my heart, changed the direction I'd intended this blog to go.

I wanted this place to be lighthearted. To be fun. To be whimsical.

And it couldn't always be that place when the second I began writing here, I experienced the deepest grief I'd ever felt.

So this place - my infinite wisdoms - became something else.

It became more...ME...than I'd actually intended. If that makes any sense.

Not exactly a diary but...a place I've ended up sharing more of myself - a more intimate portrait anyway - than I'd ever intended.

For the first few weeks after Andy's death, I considered deleting that first entry.

For the first few weeks, I'd considered sharing the blog with his family...but I didn't want to share that first entry with them and wanted to hide what I really thought from them.

But I didn't delete it2.

It was sincerely written. While perhaps a bit flippant, I did speak honestly about the fact that he loved beer more than he loved me. I did speak honestly about the craziness of his mother. I did speak honestly about the fact that I was single and that I loved it and was not "technically" a lesbian3.

It made me think - that first entry did. It made me think about always speaking honestly and from the heart. It made me think twice about posting something I'd want to delete later. It made me think - always think - about whether I wanted to mis-represent myself or be true to you, my Lovely Readers.

I'm older.

My liver is much much older.

My taste in wine is much more developed to the detriment of my wallet.

I have more Lovely Readers today than I did then.

But I am still Just Jane...in my infinite wisdom.

Gaining insight...imparting the wisdom I really do have...one little nugget at a time.

And isn't that the point?

To tell you as much as I can, every day that I can, what I know, what I've learned, how much I've loved and to share with you who I am...who I really am - even if it's full o' the crazy4?

Yes.

That was - and always has been - my point.

To share. To write. To make you (hopefully) laugh. To make you (hopefully) think.

*raises glass o' wine*

And so...here's to another year of laughter, love, pet peevery, observations, infinite wisdoms, and more. Much much more.

To me - Jane - in my infinite wisdom.

XOXOXO

One year ago: Wow! Really?!


1: In my head.

2: Nor did I share it.

3: But, oh my gawd, women are so very beautiful and fabulous...even if they do often suck.

4: But not all that crazy...or at least aware of my crazy which is more than I can say for most women.

3 comments:

PATTY LEIDYS ZERO HOUR said...

HUZZAH to you my dear!
:) Always be you!

Anonymous said...

yay for bloggy goodness!

PS that picture of you is lovely!
PJ

Kristin said...

Going to limit myself to 3 little comments here, although there's much more I could say. 1. I'm so glad that you are the person you are, and that you choose to share so much of yourself & your wisdom! There are some people that truly make the world a better place, & you are one of them! 2. Your blog often makes me laugh & think. Often too much. I think we think to much alike in many ways. :) oops - I meant *smiley face* haha 3. I love that picture of you.