I think I'm getting ready to phone this one in, Folks.
If that terrifies you, annoys you, or bores you, it's probably best to skip this post and go read The Bloggess who, while she says she's phoning in her posts, doesn't actually do it as opposed to, say, me who is going to phone this one in. Here. I'll even pull up one of my favorite posts of hers so that you too can share in the love of James Garfield.
Why am I phoning this in instead of, say, just saying screw it and not posting at all?
Yeah. Right. Big NaBloPoMo talker that I am promised to do this and then challenged others to do this by bribing people with baked goods and so now I'm, like, obligated not to fail just to prove a point to some people I don't even actually know and some that I do but they'd get baked goods anyway just by asking nicely so that doesn't even count.
The fact is I wasn't inspired to write today. And so instead of sitting around wracking my brain trying to come up with a good blog topic, I took a nap instead. Which is classic avoidance behavior but feels really good and was completely necessary as Vinny - Best Cat Ever - has a cold and, because he's inconsiderate, kept me up all night by curling up next to my head and then sneezing in my face, wiping his snot on my night shirt, and coughing like an old, emphy...empha...wheezy old man.
Seriously. Have you ever heard a cat cough? It sounds like someone is dying. Specifically an old wheezy man...or a 9-pound metrosexual cat. Which he is. I mean, he's a 9-pound metrosexual cat. Not an old man. Although the old man I could get to go sleep on the couch which is 1 point for him. Vinny isn't nearly so cooperative. Oh! Plus, he's not actually dying...I don't think. He just sounds like he is.
Anyway!
So after I got up from my nap, then it was time to drink wine. And I've been drinking wine and talking to Lex who is now taking his own nap...at 8 p.m. on a Friday night. Which, if that were me, I'd be like, "Woo hoo! Bedtime." But not Lex. He's in there snoring away and then will get up and stay up until 4 a.m. which is probably when I'll get up because it's what I do.
Have I mentioned I've been drinking?
If I were sober, I might draw you pictures. But, as you know, my mousing/drawing skills are limited at best. Under the influence, they are disastrous. Surprise! All the pictures I've drawn for you have been done without the aid of alcohol! Which makes them just that much worse.
Oh!
Funny story.
So today, I'm out back of my office building, smoking a cigarette, when a famous classical music radio host comes out to join me. And we're talking about liquor while we're smoking and also? We're talking about that one time in Edinburgh he got "so fucked up" when we're joined by another co-worker who is not famous but is totally awesome (hi, JP! He reads the blog...or he did until possibly right at this very moment). And JP says, "What are you 2 delinquents doing out here?!"
And I say, "Well...we're smoking, swearing, and talking about drinking." Which was all totally true. That's what was funny. Is that funny at all? *crickets chirping* Maybe you had to be there.
Have you noticed I've been saying totally a lot? I have. It's totally obnoxious. But I. Cannot. Stop.
I have a date on Tuesday night.
But I'd better not go there because, while I've been drinking, I've not had that much to drink (hard to tell, I know) and thus, will end here and go eat some cheese.
If you're still here, go watch this. It'll make you feel better.
A year ago: Welcome to the Weinerschnitzel, Can I Take Your Order Please?
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