Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Ow...that hurts

I talk about mis-managed expectations...a lot.

Occasionally, yes, I do feel like a broken record. But! It really is true, if you stop to think about it. Expectations are pre-determined resentments. So, learning to manage your expectations is about the best relationship skill you can master.

It's not that I don't believe in expectations because I do think there is no way to get through life, love, and...I don't know what all else...without having some expectations. Shit happens, you know? Expectations happen. But knowing what is a reasonable expectation based on CURRENT information versus having an expectation based on past experience or, worse, on no experience, is D-O-O-M.

So here I am tonight, knowing I did not, in fact, mis-manage an expectation and, yet, that expectation - handed to me on the proverbial platter - wasn't met.

So. What am I to do?

Cry, for one. It's OK to cry...at least in my book. For joy, sorrow, anger. Crying is, at best, cathartic. At worst, crying is manipulation. Tonight, it is cathartic as I'm doing it alone in my room...to alleviate some of the sorrow I feel. Tonight it is about recognizing that someone I care about has landed firmly on an experiential fear button and fired it off unknowingly. Unknowingly. UNKNOWINGLY. He didn't know or understand what being forgotten would mean to me.

Forgive. I forgive. Because A) he didn't hurt me intentionally and B) he, again, fired off that button unknowingly.

Steel myself for whatever happens next. He fell from the pedestal long ago, so that's not it. But every experience is a learning experience...learning what is important, not just to me but, to him.

Understand that it is what it is. Nothing more. No less. It just is.

Now, forgive me. But I'm drinking myself into oblivion. Maybe you would too. If you wouldn't? I don't care.

I don't care at all.

Except...I do.

A year ago: Synchronicity


paulw57 said...

you care and that is why you cry..... tears are good

Just Jane said...

Thank you, Paul. They keep coming unbidden.

Diva said...

Do. Not. Remove.

Sometimes drunken self-expression is just an uninhibited way to the truth - and the rest of us, we occasionally need the truth. From you. Because of your velvet hammer and all.

Now I shall drink to thee, darling. Not unto oblivion, but in camaraderie, as I read your post again and quietly resonate......

zero hour said...