Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Name Game

December 23: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

It's a bird! It's a plane! It'''s...TWEET REVENGE!

Long ago, pre-Twitter, I was searching for a handle to use on an online forum/chat service. Something that, for reasons I will not disclose here, would not easily strike any chords of recognition among people I knew.

I needed something completely random.

So, I reached over to my bookshelf and, without looking, snatched up the first book my hand fell upon - Jim Morrison's Wilderness - The Lost Writings of Jim Morrison. I closed my eyes, flipped to a page, smacked my finger down, and then opened my eyes to learn what my new handle would be.


That was the word.

And Tweet I became. In some circles, I was never anyone else.

One night a few years later, Bomb Betsy and I were discussing comic book superheros and I decided then and there that if I were to ever become a superhero, I would be Tweet Revenge - battling evil with my wits. Because, you know, I should never be given sharp, pointy objects and frankly, explosives (including bacon explosions) scare me.

Bomb Betsy became Magnetica Bombastic - my sidekick. We would ride around on a motorbike with a sidecar...although she has to drive because me driving a motorbike makes me less of an effective superhero and more of a danger to society.

I would wear a white, silk scarf around my neck so that I could give the scarf's tail a quick flick and flip back as if to say, "Take that Scoundrel! My work here is done."

My goggles would be merely corrective lenses...rose-colored...and the heart of my superpower. They would help me identify injustice, bigotry, and ignorance and they would have secret rose-colored beams emitting from them - striking my foes with self-enlightenment.

I would rid the world of self-pity, ignorance, shame, and passive-aggression. I'd battle hate and bias with passion, determination, and joie de vivre.

My calling card? A piece of cheese and a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette.

The beacon that calls me? A wine glass.

I am Tweet Revenge.

No comments: