Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Other Business and a Little Lost and Found


Finally! A post that is not a #reverb10 post as I am, until tomorrow, entirely caught up.

I've got some mental dumping to do and I'm going to do it right now.

1) Today, someone in the world googled "jane spare parts" and they ended up here.

I would just like to state, for the record, I do not have any spare parts. Unless, of course, we're talking about my ovaries and then you can have those for free. All sales are final. No exchanges or refunds.

2) Last night, the following conversation occurred between Lex and me...

Jane: I really like D&C. I think you'd really like them too.

Lex: Well, why don't you invite them over for tea?


Lex: Invite them over for tea.

Jane: Lex? You don't even drink tea.

Lex: Well, I'd drink it if you invited them over for it.

3) Would you like to know what happens to a cheap Target floor lamp when you put bulbs in it that are higher than the recommended wattage?

The plastic shades melt.

4) I bought a new cheap Target floor lamp yesterday.

5) I cleaned my room yesterday. This is noteworthy for several reasons.
    A) I'd given advice to someone a few days back stating, "If your external environment is mirroring your internal environment - out of sorts - spend a little energy into putting your external environment to rights." That was great advice. So I took it from myself.
    B) I found a hard copy of the Boomchunka recipe. *sigh*
    C) I found a handwritten mental dump that's kinda awesome. Here's the story...

About a year ago, as part of my job, I had to go spend several hours sitting just inside the front door of my neighborhood Whole Foods. It was very cold that day. Snowing hard. And, after awhile, there was little for me to do or say to anyone. So, I wrote down the following random thoughts/observations:

1) I'm decidedly anti-flip flop.
2) If I won eleventy-billion dollars, I'd still love my job.
3) When I'm nervous, I have to pee a lot.
4) I don't want kids...until I see a cute, well-behaved one in a funny hat. Then I want ten.
5) I have never EVER been able to resist office supplies.
6) Random strangers rarely appreciate my observations. I think they think I'm weird or crazy. Possibly both.
7) I love it when my friends don't recognize me. [Bomb Betsy had just walked into the store and I'd said hi to her and it took her several seconds for her to place my face.]
8) Americans do not like tables with stuff on them at grocery stores. We're all paranoid someone is going to ask us to do/buy something and we'll have to say no. I'm guilty of it too.
9) Making kids sell stuff is cruel...to the consumer. It's manipulation at its worst (I'm looking at you, Girl Scouts.)
10) I wonder if the newspaper hawkers know I'm lying when I say I already have the paper?
11) I'm fairly certain I will freeze to death way before 9 p.m.
12) I just had a man tell me I had a face for radio. Um?
13) Love is not just for pretty people.
14) I'm also 100% certain if I don't freeze to death, I will never sleep again from all the coffee I've ingested.
15) There doesn't have to be a rhyme or reason for attraction.
16) I should have worn warmer socks.
17) Coffee drinks...with milk. BAD idea. [I'm lactose intolerant. TMI?]
18) Very few people have genuine smiles for strangers...if they remember to smile at all.

6) Peej posted this photo on Facebook today. I swear, this could seriously be my Uncle Charlie. Although, I think the cats are photoshopped in. If anyone knows the source (I mean, beyond the obvious Icanhazcheezburger), let me know, if you please.

7) Occasionally, I go back through my archives on this blog and others I've kept. Sometimes, I have no recollection of writing this stuff. Like this post. But also? I found these long forgotten ramblings yesterday too...

From September 4, 2009...
So there is a long hallway at the end of which my office is located. For various sundry reasons, there was no one with an office down this hallway at work yesterday except...well...me. Late in the afternoon, as I was returning from the bathroom, for no particular reason I could foresee, I had a sudden overwhelming urge to do cartwheels down this very hallway.

1) I do not remember how to do a cartwheel.
2) Even if I could somehow make the mind/body connection work to my advantage in remembering how to do a cartwheel, I am now 37 years old and the floor is awfully far away from my head thus leading to potential death by:

a) broken neck
b) embarrassment

I did not do any cartwheels.

From September 5, 2009:
Just to update you on the critical cartwheel situation...

This morning, while recovering from a wine night on my mom's patio, (5 glasses, yes, 5), I decided her soft grassy backyard would be a great place to try to do a cartwheel.

This is what I found out:

1) cartwheels require momentum
2) cartwheels also require upper body strength
3) cartwheels require a much smaller booty

8) Even though I don't tweet much? I'm actually kinda funny on Twitter.

The End.

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