Sunday, July 03, 2011

I'm Not Sure I Can THWAP Any Harder

*whips out zen stick*


If people you've considered "good friends" for years suddenly don't speak to you or, when they do, fail to:

A) invite you places
B) acknowledge special events in your life
C) ask how you are
D) want to hang out with you

And you're feeling like a leper?

Ask yourself this one simple question, "Have I been a good friend?"

Good friends offer to help. Good friends ask, "how are you?" and then listen to the answer. Good friends send their apologies when they can't make an event. Good friends share the glory of good times and the burden of the you don't have to go it alone. Good friends remember someone is having a hard time of it and think to ask, "are you OK?" Good friends remember to say, "Thank you" or "I love you" or "I appreciate you". Good friends buy you lunch when you're broke. Good friends don't piss and moan on Facebook about how all women are stupid for liking asshole men or how shitty things are because some people didn't even acknowledge a birthday or blame everyone else for a mass friendship exodus. Good friends understand that sometimes a friend's life gets in the way of being there - always - for you. Good friends, in a nutshell, think outside themselves on a regular basis.

Good friends don't treat you like a leper...unless you turn yourself into one.

What good friends are not? Infallible or filled with infinite patience.

When you fully understand and embrace that it is, in fact, NOT all about you? You'll find yourself surrounded with love, support, and wonderful friends for life - friendships that will span decades.

You'll have patience when it's not about you. You'll be genuinely glad when it's NOT about you.
Now. Go forth. Prosper. Remember. It only gets to be about you sometimes. The sooner you know it, the happier you'll be.

This message brought to you by an extraordinary amount of woe is me self-absorption I've born witness to lately. Unfortunately, you, Lovely Readers, will get the stick and the ones it was really meant for? Won't bother to read it because they're too self-absorbed to read anything that isn't about them and, if they do read it, wouldn't recognize themselves in this Just Stop It message.


Anonymous said...


But rarely in friendship and in love are our choices driven by malevolence. More likely, choices are made based on self-interest and sometimes self-preservation and are occasionally stupid decisions that hurt other people unintentionally.

Right now, the person posing the question might as well be asking "But what about me? This is all about me." When, realistically, it is probable that the decision made wasn't about him at all.

What was the other side of the story? What were the consequences for his friend if he'd decided the other way? Did he decide based on what he perceived as a lesser of two evils?


Anonymous said...

I am a good friend who doesn't have (m)any good friends. I often feel taken advantage of. I give too much but ask for too little. I am a friend of convenience all too often. I love you and wish we were closer


Just Jane said...

Dayna, you ARE an extraordinary friend! And you've got people by your side in spirit that have loved and appreciated you for decades. I love you and wish we lived closer too.