Tuesday, August 16, 2011

But I'm Afraid to Move to San Francisco! There are...There are...CALIFORNIANS There!

So...

There's this strange potential turn of events. And no, before you get any ideas, I'm not moving to San Francisco...er...wow. I don't think. But this potential turn of events has me a little on edge...thinking about possibilities...and also changes and whether I'd be willing to move and change or not.

A particular friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous...but not like as in Anonymous just, you know, anonymous - a message for the Men in the Black Van) got a fairly serious nibble about a plum job opportunity out in San Francisco complete with ping pong tournaments, monthly massages, and catered meals.

Let's just say I'm not anxious to see this friend move away. So, in this friend's infinite wisdom, a plan was hatched to move ME out to San Francisco too because, you know, who could live without me really? *tongue planted firmly in cheek* Or, at least, this has been my argument for why this person cannot move away because this person clearly cannot live without me hee hee.

Uh...I guess I didn't think that argument thoroughly through. Because apparently this person would like not to live without me and is now concocting ways to employ and move me to a new city.

So...this person sent me a job opportunity with this same company convinced I can do this job. Funny thing? I've already, basically, done this job...for 5 years...and for all intents and purposes, almost singlehandedly changed the perception of the department for which I worked in a positive way. I'm proud of the work I did there. I left, even though I was offered a huge promotion and pay increase, because the final recommendations I had were tied to a caveat I wouldn't compromise on and then, when I'd left, the CTO caved to every single one of my recommendations.

This is the kind of job that I feel, in my very bone marrow, should be mine.

But...San Francisco?

My number 1 excuse, of course, is that I have a commitment to Lex and we have a fur kid together and how can I leave either of them...especially Vinny? That'd make joint custody awkward at the very least. And I certainly couldn't tear Vinny away from Lex. But he'd also miss me terribly. I can't leave him. I can't take him. I can't go.

Except...when I started talking about the ridiculousness of the situation over with Lex, he springs on me that he'd been seriously considering applying for job with a well-respected organization...in San Francisco. But had all but discarded the idea because of me. Because of Vinny.

Well now. Fuck.

Really?

Shit.

I mean, it IS San Francisco. And, the one time I visited there, I loved the city. I know a few people there...literally the person I've known the longest (we were best friends when we were 4), a couple I met just before they moved from here to there, and a person I just recently met but like VERY much...plus, Lex, Vinny, and the person lobbying to get me to move would be like, I don't know, not the worst thing of all time.

But...leave Denver? Leave my adopted hometown I've had for 20 years? Leave now that I think I've finally convinced Asphodel to come back? Leave now that I finally, after 20+ years, feel like I've managed to develop a well-rounded solid group of friends?

Really?

I just...I don't know. The idea, for some reason, terrifies me. I've been through my practice mid-life crisis #1. I'm (mostly) happy here. I have a community and a family and a solid job and lots to do. I can (mostly) travel when I choose but I always come back to my home, The Grotto, to Lex, to Vinny, to YOU (or, at least, those of you who live here).

Do I want to leave that behind?

What are the chances I can convince the bulk of you to just, you know, pick up your lives and come with me? Because really. The worst part of considering a move of this magnitude is losing my community, my loves, my friends.

But...

What if staying here means losing the daily presence of my best loves? Huh?

I dunno.

What would YOU do?

Tell me. I'd like to know.

I'll be waiting here drinking wine, eating religious experience cake, and anxiously awaiting your replies.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your coffee would be stale by the time it was shipped there.

Anonymous said...

GO! DO! LIVE! What is the worst that happens? You come back to Denver. What is the best? You go, you do, you live, and you love it!! We will all still be here following you, loving you, and cheering you on! GO!!

Shari : said...

I won't have it. You are NOT allowed to go away from me just after I discovered how great being friends with you is.

Unless it makes you happy, in which case, I demand that you do it.

PATTY LEIDYS ZERO HOUR said...

Go!!! you only live once..you can always come back if you hate it..

melissamaudite said...

Really, though, the thing I lost when I moved out here *was* community. Sure, I've got friends, and sure, there are scenes, but I really haven't felt the sense of community until recent forays into the BDSM scene...

I think that change like this would be awesome, and if you have a good opportunity, then take it! Dust yourself off, shake your roots out, and replant them somewhere else. :)

Franklin Taggart said...

Is there a YES anywhere in your soul about moving to SFO? Maybe means no. Anything you'll lose can be regained over time. If your heart says YES, go!

PS Poverty isn't necessarily easy, but it won't kill you.

spux said...

Dammit Jane. Don't make me chase you out there. I'd do it too.

Diva said...

"Live on the East Coast, but leave before it makes you hard; live on the West Coast, but leave before it makes you soft." ~ Baz Luhrmann, "Everybody's Free"

I spent 12 years in L.A., 15 in ABQ, and 7 here thus far. Adaptation is evolution, and evolution is life.

You can always come home again. *smile*

Diva said...

Related (and posted by Melissa Maudite first, too):

http://www.missionmission.org/2011/07/26/the-real-reason-nobody-stays-in-san-francisco/