Friday, December 16, 2011

No, You Really Can't Take Me Anywhere

This one is especially for you, Melanie, at Is This the Middle.

Real life telephone conversation this afternoon...

Rob: Firestone Auto Care, this is Rob.

IWJ: Hi, Rob. This is Infinitely Wise Jane. How are you?

Rob: I'm well. How 'bout yourself?

IWJ: I'd be a whole lot better if my car weren't making a peculiar noise.

Rob: What kind of noise is it making?

IWJ: Well...have you ever sat down on an old, creaky bed?

Rob: Yep!

IWJ: That's exactly what it sounds like.

Rob: I know exactly what the problem is!

IWJ: Is it the struts [cringing for the bad news]?

Rob: Oh! Well, I suppose it COULD be but yeah, no, you just need to lubricate your [mumble mumble something].

IWJ: Ah. I see. How much will that cost me?

Rob: Just bring 'er in. I'll fix her right up, no charge.

IWJ: Terrific! You'd do that?

Rob: Of course! As long as you bring 'er to us when you need something else done.

IWJ: I always do. You guys take awfully good care of me. So...what was it that you were going to do for me?

Rob [real slow]: I'm going to lub-ri-cate your sway bar bushings.

IWJ: OK! ... ... ...Hee hee hee hee hee hee HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rob: ... ... ...ha HA! HAHAHAHA!

Rob: THAT was AWESOME.

IWJ: I'm sorry. I'm a 12-year-old boy inside.

Rob: No, no. No apologies. That...that made my whole day.

IWJ: Good! See you tomorrow!

9 comments:

Word Nerd said...

Bwahahahaha! You and I are way too much alike. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Melanie said...

So a guy goes into a bar and says to a young woman, "Do you have any lubricant for sway bar bushings?"
Should she...
a. slap his face
b. tell him where the nearest pharmacy is
c. ask him if he's sure it's the bushings? Could be a bent rod.
d. confirm when he last torqued his nuts.

Jane, you are a better woman than I am if you can get your bushings worked on for free. And have a good laugh doing it. I mean getting it done. Or arranging for service. Oh, never mind!

Go, girl. :-)

S. Stauss said...

Great big belly laugh. I mean a great big laugh from my belly. Not a laugh from my great big belly. There's a difference. Gots to keep those sway bar bushings nice and supple, you do.

Just Jane said...

I love my bloggy friends! Y'all make me laugh.

@Beth: Not afraid. Now planning a trip to the greater Chicago area.

@Melanie: all those choices are so very good and so very...er sharpie worthy.

@Periphery: Lubrication is quality of life, right?

Masked Mom said...

Snorting out loud on the overnight shift in a halfway house full of sleeping men is strangely unappreciated by said men. (On the other hand, I'm not really supposed to BE here on the overnight shift, so I feel I'm entitled to a little leeway since I was called in as a last resort not only on my day off but on an entirely other (and borderline inhumane) shift than I usually work.)

Anyway, thanks for the snort-worthy story. ;)

Nini Kahler said...

I love reading the comments here...especially today's. You guys are all so funny. Thank you!!

~Virginia

Just Jane said...

Masked Mom: Yowch! I'm sorry you were having to work the overnight (yuck!) but I'm glad I could make it a bit more enjoyable for you.

Virginia: Aren't they all terrific? We've got pretty swell friends.

alienbody said...

You made his day!! Awesome on a cracker!

Lucy said...

I had to read it twice because I am a little slow on the uptake but I got it, "finally", as my husband would say or better, he says, "Lucy, a joke is no fun when you have to explain it." Sorry, I am a little dimwitted! Oh, and Melanie cracked me up too!