Thursday, April 05, 2012

Down with Doug

I left my house 10 minutes early this morning only to arrive at work 15 minutes late. Traffic was brutal for no other reason, it would seem, than simply because it was Thursday.


I'm sorry to say, the day slid slowly down a greased hill from there.

And I was just sitting here, finally eating something since breakfast, thinking to myself, "Well, the good thing about Thursdays is that they end and I can go to bed soon," when the Thursday OONTZ started up.

What's a Thursday OONTZ, you ask?

Doug Raves.

You see, I have a lovely upstairs neighbor, Abram, who has lived in this building for more than a decade. Unfortunately, Abram always needs a roommate and he cycles through them about once a year. My favorites may have been the 20-something lesbian couple who loved to sit out on the balcony right outside my bedroom window late on summer nights and boo hoo about how they were getting SO OLD and life had slipped through their fingers before they'd really had a chance to live. LIVE! Oh the humanity!

But now we've got Doug. Doug Raves. I don't know if Doug Raves is his actual name but it is the name of his wireless network and somebody should totally hack that shit and bring him down. Because I loathe Doug and his raving.

Why?

Because. Every Thursday night, without fail, about the time I'm thinking I ought to curl up in my bed with a book and a cold compress for my throbbing head, hoping to end another forsaken couldn't-get-the-hang-of-it-Thursday in peace, Doug Raves puts on the same 8-song playlist, turns it way up so that my bedroom becomes a thumping OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ'ing disco...and then? Then he leaves. The. Building.

Frankly, he is sending me right over the edge - an edge I cling to desperately during the best of times.

If he knew what was good for him, he'd rave himself right on outta this neighborhood. Otherwise, I cannot be held accountable for my perimenopausal actions.

16 comments:

The M half of the M -n- J Show said...

Um. Ew. And excellent spelling on the OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ

I lived in a house in the country outside Longmont years ago. 5 acres, horse property, visible from I-25 just south of 119. Not that you asked. Anyway.

The guy who rented the room next to mine was a George Strait fan. I love me some George, but this guy played only George Strait and it was loud enough that I could hear it when I pulled up In. My. Car. From outside. It took years before I could hear The Chair without wanting to beat someone with one.

modchen said...

oh, that's right. i gleaned this little nugget the other day and immediately thought, 'won't jane be pleased,' and then i don't remember whether i proceeded to actually tell you or not.

he broke his collarbone, apparently. and it is painful, apparently.

perhaps we can live in hope of some sort of accidental pain-med overdose.

Diva said...

This sounds obvious, but: have you talked to him? He may be blissfully ignorant he's bothering you, especially if no one has said a word to him about it.

Just sitting back and taking it, to the point you go over the edge or start wishing he'd die a quiet death, is a little.....well, passive-aggressive.

If you *have* talked to him and he continues to do it, talk to Abram or management. Last resort: threaten to break more of his bones for him. His pain is so fresh, I'm sure he'll acquiesce. *smile*

Gaelyn said...

Somebody needs to kick his AsOONTZ OONTZ OONTZ.....

Sorry, it's Thursday night.
What?

Where's one of those non-husbands when you need them?

I find the sound of fan in the next room noisy. Thank goodness I live where I do.

a.eye said...

Definitely time to cut him off when he leaves on a Thursday and tell him to turn that mess off!

Bon said...

I'm a fan of the ööntz myself.
However, I am not a fan of the waste of power and music that leaving it on where I cannot enjoy it.
That's just rude, man.

MOV said...

great post! will be back to read more.

best,
MOV

cdnkaro said...

I've never seen 'Oontz' spelled out but that captures the sound perfectly. HE LEAVES THE BUILDING??? I might have killed him by now. Don't you have some hacker non-husbands with mad skills? Ian is very good at sending messages to obnoxious people and great at thinking up pranks. Wish I lived closer!

Lucy said...

Oh, those pesky neighbors,when will they learn to follow the rules, as I say, "My rules" LOL. I tease but I do understand the frustration of dealing with people who refuse to be considerate, so frustrating, ugh!

Mike said...

Maybe the guy is deaf AND forgetful? Ok, ok..........just playing the neutral zone. Maybe when he leaves put a note on his door: "Hear that? It's your freakin' music playing while you aren't here. I will be glad to buy you a hearing aid if you can't hear it just so you will turn it OFF or DOWN. You want a horse head on your bed?" Sign it..........Frankie.

Sylvia Colette Branch said...

oontz oontz oontz - I know that sound all too well - neighbors ACROSS the street crank the noise in their open garage and then...disappear. I suppose they could be dancing in their kitchen and I suppose I should thank them for sharing - but, um, no. Great post Jane- as always!

Masked Mom said...

Oh, Jane, I feel your pain more than you can know. Even though I live in the teeniest little town, the one "dance club" (quoations marks entirely deserved) is just over the railroad tracks (ps--we live right beside the railroad tracks) from our house. Thursday night is OONTZ night at our house, too. If I fall asleep before it starts, I can sometimes sleep through it, but if I wake up for whatever reason, I can't fall back to sleep to save my life.

Good luck. And if you need a posse of internet asskickers, I think we've got you covered.

justexpressingmyself said...

Your neighbor best beware; I know how I get when my own hormones get to rockin' and rollin'

Gaelyn said...

Are you not taking any more comments on the Troll post? I couldn't seem to leave one.

I Hate Raymond! Very stupid!

But I think that post did feed the Troll. Good luck with this.

NGS said...

Neighbors. I can't deal with mine anymore. I feel your pain.

Laine Griffin said...

That's fucked up.
I hate neighbors.
Update, please! :)