Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Underneath the Designer Clothes, A Toad is Still a Toad

There are really only two kinds of rich people.

1) Those who treat all people with respect and compassion and
2) Those who would rather be eaten by a grue than acknowledge a grunt.

I come into regular contact with both.

True story.

This afternoon, I was headed toward the ladies' room on a break. Walking directly ahead of me was a rich person of the second kind on his way to the mens' room. His toad-like figure went through the security door and, without looking, he let it close in my face. Then, when he heard the door open behind him, he turned back toward me - a fixed smile and perfunctory apologetic mutterings about to escape his lips as he thought perhaps it was one of his richling kinsmen. Upon seeing me, he visibly flinched.

Visibly. Flinched.

Clearly, my mere existence pained him.

I smiled widely at him. His face fell in confusion as he scurried into the bathroom as though I wore clown makeup and shoes and was chasing him with a carving knife in hand.

I laughed all the way into the furthest bathroom stall.

I love ridiculously snobby, nouveau rich people. They are so pinchably adorable in their blatant biases. As if being civil to a servant would condemn him to eternal hell (oh yeah, he's totally Catholic).

Guess what, Toad Man? Your fearful disdain is exactly the behavior that will send you to hell...if there were such a thing. And on days like today I sincerely hope there is such a thing just so you can get yours. I hope I'm at the gates when you are DEEEE-NIED and get to hear you hear why.

I wonder what would happen if I were to accidentally touch him and rub my middle class cooties all over his Armani suit? Next time, I'm totally going to do it.

8 comments:

Gaelyn said...

Hope he gets eaten by a grue. Maybe blow the fuses in the men's bathroom to bring out the hidden grues.

cdnkaro said...

LOL @ Gaelyn. I was going to say something but no longer remember what, cause I'm laughing too hard.

Graciewilde said...

Amen! I am sure they would say I am stupid but I don't get the uber rich -- maybe I am just oblivous but why the hell do you need scads of money? Why can't you willingly share? Who needs designer suits and expensive cars and 53,00 sf homes? I don't get it. But maybe I am jealous....

Margi said...

Oh boy. I suppose we all live in our worlds and do what we do. I do wish you'd accidentally touched his hand, though. And giggled.

NellieVaughn said...

This reminds me of the time I dated a very wealthy man in college. We attended the same school. This man was old money. Very pale, strange accent, even though he is American, and ate food that should be stepped on, and not cooked. Anyway, I ran into him unexpectedly one afternoon. He was with his friends. The look on his face...it was obvious he was embarrassed by me.

Joyce Lansky said...

I heard the story of a hired driver who had the pleasure of driving Mitt Romney for a two hour jaunt. Romney would not talk to him the entire time and in the end told his staff to give the guy $5... for a $240+ bill. I cringe at the thought of what a Romney presidency would do to the USA if he were elected.

a.eye said...

What a jerk he was!! I hate when I come across people who think theirs doesn't stink!

Scooter Lass said...

Not to be a Devil's advocate, but... how do you know that's what he was thinking?