Saturday, October 20, 2012

I Found Hell

And, as it turns out, hell is a sports bar located in Small Town, Colorado.

My version of hell looks like that anyway.

I don't like sports. I don't like watching sports or talking about sports or yelling at the TV when a sport is being broadcast. I also don't like finding myself surrounded by gobs of people watching sports - especially when it is all kinds of sports on a number of TV screens - and hearing them yell...for no reason.

It sets my nerves a jangling. 

Additionally, I don't appreciate the seating in sports bars which typically comes in two types...

1) High bar stools which leave my short legs a dangling or
2) Booths in which my quadruple D breasts have nowhere to hide and are forced to rest on the table itself.

Lastly, this...


This song should play in no bar - sports or otherwise - pretty much ever.

(Oh hai, Spux. Apparently this video would demonstrate how one ought to dance to this song. You're doing it wrong.)

Throw in throngs of drunken people who've clearly been there for hours, the inability to take the edge off with a cocktail myself due to the fact that I've got to drive myself several miles home on the freeway (something I don't do well under ideal conditions...you know, like in daylight completely sober) while recovering from a persistent migraine, and witnessing one particularly dick move by someone who wasn't invited, shouldn't have been there, who is lucky I didn't stand up and punch him full on in the face, and all of a sudden you've got...

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Hell.

Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

5 comments:

Gaelyn said...

Sounds like my kind of place, to stay out of.

Cora Reed said...

Oh the HORROR!!!

Margi said...

Ack! Not my ideal spot either. We do like to go to sports bars to watch a game or two, but since neither of us drink, we get impatient with drunkenness fairly quickly.

Melanie said...

Oh, no. I made it through 1:46 of the song before I had to stop. I sometimes wish I liked sports, but then again, no. My heaven has no sports or big screens, lol.

Masked Mom said...

I didn't even have to play the song--it is embedded into my brain from too much time driving the flower shop van with only one radio station to listen to. Bye, bye, bye indeed.

Glad you survived your tour of duty. ;)