Tuesday, November 10, 2009

1 Pet Peevery Lane

You know, I try not to be too snarky...at least not here. I don't particularly like snark-icism from myself because...well...I consider myself a genuinely nice, caring, generous person. Occasionally though, I experience something that gets me riled and then my thoughts and sense of humor run with big arms down Sarcasm Street. Hey! Who am I to argue with physics1?

So I'm starting a new semi-regular series of blog posts about my various and sundry pet peeves...of which I have a lot...and of which my occasional snark humor tendencies appear. I suppose I already started it with the post about the drama llama but we won't count that one as I did not officially designate the space for the topic until today.

So yes, anyway! The first post in the Pet Peevery series begins with a Craigs List Missed Connections update.

I've noticed recently - perhaps because of the Halloween holiday season and all the advertising geared toward sexy pirate/teacher/zombie/witch/vampire/cowgirl/nurse/everything-you-can-show-off-cleavage-in costumes - there have been an extraordinary number of missed connection ads posted whereby some guy has seen some random "smokin' hot" girl on the street/at the gas station/in the grocery store/driving past his house he wants to meet2. He hasn't talked to her, he knows nothing about her...nor does he really care. All he cares about is how sexy she looks living her life.

I'm pretty certain if I were a "smokin' hot" girl, this would still offend me. Because you know why?

It's shallow. It implies a woman is only as good as she looks. It says this man isn't looking for shared interests, witty repartee, or meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

No no. It says this moron is looking for a "smokin' hot" bod he can get close to to satisfy one aspect of his pathetic little life.

He's probably married3.

Now I know this pet peeve is not an objective pet peeve. I know it's centered around my belief that I am an ORIGINAL4 acquired taste - like pâté - which means I get overlooked a lot by men who aren't interested in acquiring a new taste...sticking to the tried and true Applebee's.

But I'm not chopped liver by any stretch of the imagination5. I'm not anything they serve at anything nearly so banal as Applebee's either.

I just don't see what's so wrong with being attracted to a woman because she is multi-dimensional? Because she is unique? Because she is unafraid to swim against the current?

Why do these men not care about those things? Or rather...why is it that the single most important quality upon which to base a partner search is how good a woman looks in daisy dukes and a halter?

Do these men really think there is a direct correlation between rock hard gams and fellatio skills? Really? Really? Please.

Gah. Bleah. I feel all ranty and Janeane Garafalo-like now and I totally hate that6.

Luckily, I have the most amazing male friends who teach me every day that most men aren't like this. That most men are amazing and open and happy to give a little love to the incredible women in their lives.

1: Newton's First Law of Physics "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

2: Read screw.

3: Because I've seen an awful lot of those missed connections recently too. Whereby the men are trying to hook up with the hot bod because he's in a loveless, meaningless marriage. You know what, Buddy? Your wife probably has something to say about that and has been trying to connect with your bone head for years. So why don't you send HER a missed connection?

4: Score one for me, Mean Nasty Noc Noc Door Boy!

5: Go ahead and groan. I know you want to but I just could not resist it.

6: Even though I love Janeane Garafalo, I don't want to be anything like her.

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