Wednesday, November 18, 2009

eHarmony Resignation

I've made the decision to stop online dating.

I'm not discouraged or disillusioned. In the last 6 weeks, I've met 4 really great men who will someday make 4 lucky women very happy. I even made a fabulous new friend who, by the way, took me out for my first ever single malt scotch last night. I had a lovely lunch with Tom yesterday too. And while he and I both knew there wasn't that special something there, I felt genuinely glad to have made his acquaintance and hope he'll always know he's got a friend in his corner cheering him on. As for Tower, I'd like to think there's friend potential there too...when I run into him, which is highly probable, I'll look forward to saying hi and my smile will be sincere.

But after my conversation with Lex on Friday night, I started thinking that perhaps I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

And then it occurred to me that maybe I'm not quite sure what it is I want.

Which, in turn, reminded me of one of the things I've never liked about online dating to begin with. It just feels...forced. Like I'm trying too hard. Like I'm looking for someone to complete me.

And that's really not me. Because I am not looking for someone to complete me. And I really do love my life. And I don't know why I thought that my life needed to change when the only thing I'd like to change is the fact that there's no physical intimacy in it. So yeah, that kind of requires a manfriend to achieve, but my life's pretty full without any of that stuff.

I won't deny it though. I would like to have a long term committed physically intimate relationship with someone. What that looks like, I have no idea. I'm not interested in ruling out possibilities and it could take on many different forms. But I don't want to spend any more time and energy looking for it.

There's one other reason behind my decision to stop online dating. Synchronicity.

I feel as though I've overlooked something...something significant and glaringly obvious...something else I'm supposed to be doing or seeing or experiencing right now. I don't know what that something is but whatever it is, I feel as though I missed the connection while I was paying attention to this other thing.

Do you think the universe will post a missed connections ad on Craigslist to let me know what it is I missed?

By the way, I'm now 100% certain I'm back to the belief that the perfect man for me will, in fact, perhaps literally fall into my lap one night at Gabor's.

If you're looking for me, that's where I'll be.


zero hour said...

I feel you and know 100% of what you say.
Hence leaving myself open to anything at this juncture in my life,exploring all options as it were, what have I or any of us got to loose.
And all i know is, I never met ANYONE cool on eH. or match or POF or whatever. I just found them , dull I suppose.. ;) And elsewhere has taken an interesting turn for me.

Gabors? Obviously I am a recluse...what is that place?
hee hee...

Just Jane said...

Gabor's is only the best neighborhood hangout in Cap Hill. Free jukebox, free pool, and the faint smell of vomit as you walk in the door.