Friday, November 13, 2009

An Extrovert in an Introvert's Body

I am an introvert.


Oh I can see you think I'm lying. Stop looking at me like that. I totally am.

Fine. Don't believe me now. But I'll prove it to you and then you'll feel bad for questioning me.

When I say I'm an introvert, I don't mean it in a Jung-ian sense exactly. I'm not shy or reserved. I don't hate people. I'm not solely focused on myself. I'm not cold or anti-social. I am probably much more introspective than most people...I spend a lot of alone time in my head...but I'm also one of the more self-aware-in-relating-to-other-people you'll probably meet.

What I mean when I say I'm an introvert is more of the Myers-Briggs definition of introvert. Meaning I need down time away from other people in order to re-energize. I don't draw energy from other people, I tend to give my energy away and then need alone time to manufacture more. That's how my body works. I've been like this for as long as I can remember.

So there! Ha! Introvert. [insert razzberry here]

However, my personality is extroverted. I love love love people! I love going out, socializing, observing and interacting with people I know and strangers alike. I love to entertain, to make people laugh, to make them think. And when I'm on a social bender, I want to do it...a lot.

But it makes my introverted body all tired 'n stuff.

The last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of socializing. I've been out pretty much every night on the weekends, at least a night or two during the week, and it's finally catching up to me.

Starting on Tuesday of this week, I was so tired, I was in bed by 8. Wednesday night was the same thing. Thursday I stayed up later talking to L* and catching up on our respective weeks but I got 6 1/2 hours of sleep. And still tonight I'm exhausted.

As I get older, the better able I am to gauge my energy level and know when it's time to take a break. It used to be that I would go and go and go, ignoring my desire to hide for a night, and push through until I was completely wrung out and forced to hibernate for weeks at a time. Now though, I just know when to stop, rest, reflect a little and then move on to the next fun social thing to do.

So, even though I had plans to go to Deathwish1 with PJ tonight, by 4 p.m. I knew I couldn't do it. I totally bailed on her.

Luckily, she is understanding and forgave me. I still feel like a chump...

But I'll be a well-rested chump...with an offering of some homemade chocolate-y goodness.

1: Deathwish is a once a month gathering of goth-y folks at a local dance club. I threatened to wear jeans.

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