Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gone Fishin'

Growing up, I didn't really have any nicknames. I was simply Jane...unless you count the unfortunate moniker I received in the 2nd grade from my brother, Frank, who called me Poopy once and it poo to a shoe.

But now, even he doesn't call me Poopy. I don't remember the last time he did. I'd probably have to kick him in the shins if he did as it no longer applies.

Over the last few years, I've been given several nicknames...

Mary Jane Sunshine

Do you see a theme here?

The fact is I earned these nicknames because I am a cheerful, playful person - occasionally obnoxiously so - and it's apparent to most who meet me that good energy is what is genuinely at my core. I also really like to spread it around.

I'm about to get all Descartes on you.

I think. Therefore, I am.

I know I'm cheerful. I know I'm sunshine-y. I know I'm cute. These are all things I know - deeply held beliefs about myself that no one can shake. I don't mean I'm outwardly cute necessarily. I mean, inside me, it's alotta rainbows and kittens and bubbles and laughs. I don't need affirmation from anyone else to tell me I'm cute. I already know. It's nice to hear - as with any compliment - but it's not necessary.

This isn't about me though - contrary to what I've been saying.

A friend of mine gets accused often of fishing for compliments. So often, she says she drives some of her friends crazy with it. That's not been my experience with her - maybe because I have an understanding of what drives that need in her. Maybe also because, I believe, I'm generous with compliments anyway and she doesn't have to fish for them from me.

Regardless, this bothers her...that she constantly seeks affirmation from others that she is, in fact, beautiful, fun, intelligent, thoughtful.

Now I know, and I hope you also know, that the reason why she seeks this affirmation is because she doesn't accept these things within herself. She knows intellectually she can hold her own among us, but she hasn't yet accepted it in her heart that all these things are true. So she's compelled to ask others to validate what she hopes is true, thinking that perhaps if other people tell her it is so, it must be so.

However, all the compliments in the world will not bring this truth into being until she starts truly believing it about herself without the aid of the opinion of others. In order to do this, I believe the only way to do this, is for her to begin complimenting herself...regularly. To stop looking in the mirror for all the flaws and to start looking at her internal mirror for what she'd like to reflect. Then telling herself often she IS what she wants to be.

That's what I did. I wanted to be funny, I wanted to be cute. I knew in my head I was frequently cracking myself up. So I began to tell myself I was cute. I began telling other people I was cute. I still occasionally do...not as a fishing expedition but as a statement of fact. I dare you to disagree!

And it worked.

I think it...absolutely and without question. Therefore, I am.

You may not think I'm cute. In fact, you may think I'm obnoxious, ugly, and pathetic. To me, it matters not. I'm unwavering in my belief and I have nothing to prove to you.

Truth is subjective. Reality is subjective. It is what we make it.

So be unwavering in your truth about yourself. Make it your reality. It'll make all the difference in the world and how you perceive yourself in it.


Blasé said...


zero hour said...

I AM the goddess cartoonist then...... Mwahahaha

The Tacky American said...

Oh, Jane. Beautiful and wise. And cute and all that that you already know... (but I'll still tell you, love!) There's one very wierd situation dealing with validation that you have left out. TELL THEM YOU ARE A PRINCESS...and they will build you a castle. May be a different side of the same coin. But, the more people I convince I'm really a princess, the more I believe it so. Or I'm charming. Or I'm smart. Or I'm funny. Or I'm kind. Or I'm beautiful. Or I'm NOT Canadian.

Love you beautiful. Though, you don't need me to tell you, right? You should always know...

Just Jane said...

@Nykki: I don't NEED it, but it's awfully nice to hear when someone thinks to say it.

Anonymous said...

I'm your Mom and I agree with everything you said! xoxoxo