Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm Not Name-Calling, but It's an Exercise in Restraint

There's nothing quite like talking about religion...unless it's following it up with a politics chaser.

And I've had politics on my mind.

Well OK...I've had past politics on my mind - so don't look to me to talk about current events today.

No, no. What I'm compelled to talk about [shudder] is Sarah Palin. I don't want to, mind you, but I have to. She gets in my brain and starts to gnaw like a rat and I'm fairly certain she's doing significant neurological damage or creating some kind of tumor...and possibly causing Tourette syndrome - although that could just be a natural psychoneurological reaction and not an actual manifestation of the disorder.

Anyway, I must talk about this because I have a residual panicky voice in my head screaming EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

I am unashamed to tell you all I cried during the last three presidential elections. In 2000, I cried over hanging chads. In fact, for months I couldn't even talk to or think of my friend, Chad, who lives in Florida because I would get all verklemptious. In 2004, I knew what was coming, felt powerless to stop it, and feared for our lives any time I was confronted with the disaster that was John Kerry attempting to beat out W. and Dick. I'm from Wyoming, y'all. I'm intimately acquainted with the Dick-ster, Dick-meister, Dick-o-rama. I personally think he's terrifying.

OK! So as the primary campaign season began to heat up for the 2008 election, I was excited. I saw real opportunity and political hope for the first time in a very long time. I was an early Hillary supporter but was not a rabid Hillary supporter...I was frankly on the fence about both Clinton and Obama and truthfully chose Hillary vocally much of the time to be contrary...simply to irritate the woman I was living with early in the primary campaign days. And when it became clear Hillary would not, in fact, be chosen as the democratic candidate, I was bummed but certainly not all emo about it. I threw my support easily behind Obama and my enthusiasm and hope grew by leaps and bounds.

And then...the hell fires opened up and from the bowels of hell emerged...Sarah Palin [shudder].

I don't believe it's necessary to recap really anything about her neo-con, gun-toting, maniacal-eyed self. You all already know her regardless of your opinion.

Sarah Palin scared the holy living crap outta me. Seriously. Everything she believed in fundamentally attacked the core of me. And I spent 3 anxiety-ridden months chewing my fingernails to the quick and drinking Maalox straight from the bottle while obsessively surfing the internet looking for anything that would provide me hope that the earth would open up and swallow her barracuda-pitbull-in-lipstick ass and send her whither she came.

The election season was the most ugly political scene I've ever experienced in the US. It was chock full of racial, religious, and gender discrimination. Some of the most vile, hateful things spewed from the mouths of so many and I was caught up in the crossfire - completely horrified at how much hate boiled under the surface of this nation's skin.

So it was with great relief and joy that I woke up the day after the election1 and Obama really had been elected. I was most grateful though about the fact that this would mean Sarah Palin would essentially go away...if not entirely, at least in so much as not being in my face day in and day out.

And she did fade into the background mostly! I ignored most of the news centered around her various legal problems and ethics charges. I ignored her surprise resignation from the Governor's seat.

But then...she had to go and release a book.

And now every news source and talk show and celebrity website I browse is talking again about Sarah Sarah Sarah.

And in my head I'm screaming NO! EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

The knowledge that a woman like her - who, while sitting in a position of power, would advocate for anti-woman, anti-gay, anti-any-beliefs-that-aren't-her-fundamental-christian-beliefs-is-of-the-devil-and-must-be-scourged - is garnering attention, admiration, and sympathy Unthinkable. Tumor inducing.

And so I plead with each and every one of you...

Please! Everyone! Please! If you have any compassion for me at all, please just ignore her. Stop talking about her. Stop putting her in the spotlight. She'll have to go away then. Won't she? Pretty please?

1: After the 2000 election, I will never again believe early return projections.


zero hour said...

I throw up in my mouth a little every time that you- know- what -from- the- bowels- of -hell appears...
My morning ritual of Sunday funnies was ruined today by a glimps of the devil in todays paper...
please....make it go away...I'll be good mommy! I swear!,very,cold...........

kk said...

Gaaahh! I was so successfully blotting her out of my mind until you just mentioned it! AAAAAAAahhhh!

Excuse me whilst I go try to stick my head back into the sand. Blahblahblah, I can't hear you....

All I can really think of that is hopeful to say about her and folks who think like her is that I think (hope?) that all those memes will die out in a generation or two and that she (and they) will be forgotten, FORGOTTEN.