Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Because When You Assume, You Make an Ass Out of Uma Thurman

Blog title courtesy of Stuart Smalley

On New Year's Eve - well technically it was already New Year's Day but still dark so whatever - the Jack of All Trades (let's just call him JOAT for short, yes?) told me I was acting deliberately dense.

I told him no, I wasn't acting deliberately dense. I was exercising a valuable skill I'd picked up over the years. It's called Assume Nothing.

It's a pretty cool skill. And it fits right nicely with another skill called Managing my Expectations. In fact, Assume Nothing is integral to Managing my Expectations. Assuming something is, in fact, handing myself a shitpile of expectation on a super size platter. Sometimes, that expectation gets met and yay! Jane gets what she wants. But mostly? Expectations are pre-determined resentments.

Since I don't like feeling resentful or hurt or sad, I just say no to assumptions and to expectations as much as possible and, instead, try to head right for the direct approach.

I kinda like the direct approach myself. It works like this: if I want to know something, I'll somehow work up the courage to (eventually) ask. In turn, if someone wants to know something, he or she should just work up the courage to just ask.

Except...(you totally saw that coming, right?)

Hmmm...I have a situation about which I'm trying very hard not to make any assumptions but am struggling with it because...ahem...I'm afraid to ask.

Yeah. Tastes just like chicken to me too.

The bad thing is my pre-assumptions have vacillated from one extreme to the other. One moment I'm thinking oh yes! Of course the answer is yes. And I get excited. The next moment I'm thinking oh but yeah no can't expect that the answer is yes because it might be no and then that would really suck.

And silly me knows better than this and yet here I am...perched on my pendulum, swinging back and forth, knowing full well if I'd just woman up, I'd know for certain.

Except...isn't half the fun the uncertainty sometimes?

So I'm going to continue to assume for now...just for now...and wait for Uma Thurman to come kick my ass.

No comments: