Sunday, January 17, 2010

Don't Mind Him, That's Just My Huband1

The weekend was a relatively quiet one here at the Grotto. Lex was out of town, spending the weekend with his long time love at a hot springs retreat. Thus, Vinny and I were left to our own devices from Friday noon until I returned home from brunch with friends this afternoon.

You would have thought he'd been gone a week by the fact that we've just spent the last 3 hours following each other around the house - first sitting in my room, then moving to the kitchen, then to his room, and then back to mine - talking...reconnecting.

He and I - we do that. Even if we've only been apart overnight, when we come together again, there is always time spent together to reconnect in our own special way. We need that time together. We are just like any other poly/open couple who needs to reconnect physically, only what we need is to reconnect process, to share, to ensure we are where we need to be in our heads, in our hearts, with each other.

We are not least, not in that context.

Yes, we are roommates. But it surpasses that. It surpasses just friends. We have a level of emotional intimacy most married/committed people would envy - if they understood what it was - but maybe not if they knew what it takes to get there.

I really don't know how to explain it so that others would understand. Neither of us know how to put it into words. It's just what we've built...what works for us. We have a committed emotionally intimate relationship with each other. Without sex.

And this is what is so absolutely beautiful about our relationship. When Lex sees his long time love, he always comes back cocooned in this incredible glow of contentment. She gives him so much joy...and I love that so much. The two of them are just as emotionally intimate as he and I are but she and I have no jealousy over that fact. She feels good that I give him something that makes him feel good. I love that she gives him something that makes him feel good.

Neither one of us feel robbed of anything. His relationship with her does not take away from his relationship with me. If anything, we all benefit from these respective relationships. She and I - we enhance what the other has with him.

And it feels so incredibly good.

And now that I'm in the process of exploring a new possibility - cautiously dancing a new dance (is it a waltz, you say?) - and I have that same glow - Lex is just as happy for me as I am for him. Because he loves anyone who gives me that kind of joy...just as I love the one who gives him that kind of joy.

It's a beautiful thing.

1: I occasionally call Lex my know, a husband without the sex. I'm his wie...his wife without the fucking.

1 comment:

kk said...

Love in all its forms is beautiful, eh? :)