I Don't Know What to Do with Myself

I got home this morning from an early morning breakfast with a friend and suddenly realized...

I have nothing I must get done today.

Grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning...it was all done yesterday in anticipation of guests last night.

I have no other social engagements on my calendar, no chores on the absolute must do list, and no reason to emerge from my pajamas until tomorrow morning at 4:30 a.m.

It's a perfect day for it too.

The temperature is hovering near 50°F, overcast and rainy. It's a cuddle-in-bed-with-a-good-book-and-the-cat day if I ever did see one. And that's what I intend to do with the rest of my time.

I might take a bath later.

I might not.

Lex has plans for supper so I don't even have supper to make tonight.

Sounds perfect, yes?

Except...I'm feeling a little lonely today. That's not a bad thing. It's just there with no distraction from it. It happens. Rarely. Still...it happens.

It's wrapped up in a little grief too.

I'm not much for woulda, coulda, shoulda. If I woulda, coulda, shoulda in a variety of situations, I wouldn't have been me and it was no use pretending. The paths would have likely all led here anyway.

Still...

I sometimes wish I'd always known what I know now. Could have been then who I am now. I would have been kinder, gentler...but with better boundaries.

Same outcome, less grief.

And now I shall adjourn to the bed where the one little guy who's always got time for some cuddle love awaits me.