Tuesday, July 06, 2010

What Would Happen...

If the Mormon missionaries and the Jehovah's Witness were to meet in a dark alley?

A little background to today's story:

The first 10 years of my life were spent in a Mormon household. That's right, I was raised Mormon. Baptized Mormon in special garments even.

I eventually came to my senses - once I was old enough to have some.

But here's a little secret about the Mormon church. Once you're on their roles as a bonafide baptized member of the church? Good luck ever getting removed.

Truly, they will never ever everevereverevereverevereverever leave you alone.

I oughta know.

They come to my house about 4 times a year - the missionaries, the relief society ladies, the visiting home teachers *sigh*.

Every time I tell them to go away and never come back. Just as Smeagol told Gollum.

And every time, just like Gollum, they come back. *double sigh*

OK! On to the story.

So yesterday afternoon, after having driven back to Denver in holiday traffic from my visit to Betsy's patio, I walked down to Chef Zorba's in the sunshine to pick up some lunch for Lex and me.

As I was walking to the restaurant, I noticed two young women in skirts and blouses coming down the stairs of a duplex and then walking up the stairs and knocking at the door next door.

I guessed then who they were.

Jehovah's Witness.

I hurried past and didn't say anything to them breathing a sigh of relief as I made a clean break.

My business at Zorba's didn't take long as I'd called our order in earlier but I'd already forgotten about the two girls as I began the walk home.

Just as I was thinking to myself, "I really love my neighborhood and all the little shops along this street" the girls suddenly appeared on the walk just in front of me.

One of them began to talk to me, asking me how I was. I answered her politely and quickened my pace. Her pace quickened as well and the spiel began.

JW: Don't you wonder what your purpose is?

Me: My only current purpose is to get this sacrificial lamb gyros home and into my belly.

JW: Wouldn't you like to hear a message from Christ?

Me: Christ and I, we broke up a long time ago. It's over. I've had closure. That's in my past.

JW: But don't you worry for your soul?

Me: Look. The only thing I worry about is the fact that you are, for all intents and purposes, harassing and stalking me. Go away. Leave me alone. I'm not interested. Do not force me to call the police and press charges against you.

JW: We'll pray for your soul.

Me: As long as you stay here to do it and stop chasing me down the street, you can do whatever you like.

They stopped following me 1/2 block from home.

If I'd not been so hungry, I would have gone around the block and then doubled back through the alley. But I was hungry and there was lamb.

And it was good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If your story is true, I suspect you also have confused Jehovah's Witnesses for an evangelical group. Since the Bible teaches that we ARE a soul (Genesis 2:7; Adam "came to BE a living soul." There is a difference between BEING a dog and HAVING a dog). Since we ARE souls, Jehovah's Witnesses do not distinguish between you and your soul. They would simply pray for YOU. If only people would stop running from the truth of God's Word, they could learn so much.