9 Pet Peevery Lane

I'm feeling petty and bitchy tonight.

Hence, I decided to delete two friends off my Facebook friend list.

The first got deleted because she and I haven't been friends in real life since we were 14 and clearly, CLEARLY, based on her recent obsessive liking of FB groups such as "Christ is our LORD and SAVIOR"¹ we have just about...hmmm...zip in common - except that now she's fat too.

The second got deleted because I've been meaning to delete him since I saw him last when he was a complete ass and slobbered all over my face. And no, he isn't a dog. Just an ass. And I was just lazy about figuring out how to go in and edit my friend list.

Tonight though, I'm feeling petty and bitchy which must truly be two of the most motivating emotions ever.

However!

I'm actually not here to talk about FB pet peevery. That, Lovely Readers, would be a much much much longer post.

No.

Tonight I'm here to tell you about my pet peevery of all bottles with a pump action.

I don't buy expensive lotions.

I've tried those fancy schmancy Bath & Body specialty lotions in the past but, you know? Mostly they don't really work any better than plain old every day grocery lotion and they also stink to high heaven...which, you know, that is if heaven actually exists, is pretty high.

So I stick to what I've always loved.

Jergen's Original Scent Ultra Healing Extra Dry Skin lotion.

And I love this stuff. I love the smell, I love the consistency, I love the product^{2 3}.

Do you want to know what I don't love?

I do not love getting to the bottom 25% of the bottle and not being able to dispense anymore lotion out of the pump because the pump straw⁴ doesn't go deep enough to get to the bottom of things.

And because the lid is a pump, I can't up end the bottle to get that last 25% of the lotion in the bottle to run toward the top for easier removal.

This means that in order to use the last 25% of the lotion my hard earned consumer dollars have purchased, I have to - each day - remove the pump, find a non-dusty surface upon which to set it so that the lotion sticking to the pump straw doesn't get nasty, and then bang the open end of the bottle against my palm hoping something will come out...and not in a ginormous lotion-y gob o' goo.

This annoys me...a lot.

Now, I'm sure there's a perfectly good, mechanical explanation as to why the pump straw does not, in fact, reach all the way to the bottom of the bottle.

I have not one single mechanically inclined bone in my body though so I don't know why.

But it would seem to me that if a manufacturer - one that sells an awesome product - wanted consumers to be happy, they might consider solutions to this problem.

It has occurred to me that it's a marketing technique to get people to buy more lotion before they are out.

Unfortunately for them, I hate waste. And I do use every single last drop I can get to in that bottle that costs $6.99 at the grocery. But I piss and moan and grumble every time it gets that low.

And every time I think to myself that I will switch brands of lotion.

A brand that cooperates at the pump level.

Because this is one pump at which I refuse to pay through the nose.




1: The emphasis was not mine...except on CLEARLY.

2: This is not a paid endorsement.


3: Also, if you've never lived in a dry climate, you cannot possibly understand why lotion is so vital to our existence here.

4: Technical term.