Saturday, December 04, 2010

How to Lose All Your Friends Without Really Trying

A couple of days ago, on Facebook, a smattering of friends began posting status updates about the death of yet another local person they'd known - a young woman in her 20's (I believe).

As I didn't know this girl at all - had no recollection of having even heard her name before - I wasn't much impacted beyond feeling bad for those who'd known her even a little and who seemed genuinely upset that they would lose another friend so closely on the heels of Moon. Of course, because I'm no different than anyone else who is fascinated by mortality - especially when the deceased is young - I did find myself mildly curious as to the nature of her death.

So I asked Peej who is nearly always in the know when it comes to community happenings.

And this is where it gets interesting.

From what I gather, this girl has not perished...at least, not literally.

Apparently - and this is all heresay, mind you - this girl had "decided life had become too dramatic" and so she...ahem..."faked" her own death with the aid of her sister in order to start anew.

Except...*hilarity strikes me*...the dumbass thought it'd be enough just to fake her death via Facebook.

OK, now remember, I know very few of the particulars. I don't know how the information was disseminated, what her motivation was, or how people came to find out that it was a hoax.

Best quote via Facebook I've seen from the Lovely Lelly's status comments. How do you fake your death on Facebook? Do you post a status update that reads "O, I am slain! [Falls.]" and then refuse to answer any replies or e-mails?

So I can't really speak intelligently to this specific situation.

But Hollywood has been making movies about faking one's own death for decades and none of them include utilizing social media in order to do so. So you don't need me to write you a guide on how to fake your own death. I can give you a list of movies to watch and take copious notes though, if you'd like.
At the very least, one ought to consider leaving town. She may want to consider this anyway...now.

What I can offer you fine people though is advice on how to eliminate unwanted drama from your life without taking such...ahem...extreme steps.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Here goes:

Just. Stop. It.

If you continually find yourself in a whirlwind of drama - even though you purport to hate it - perhaps you ought to ask yourself, "Self? Am I the drama llama following everyone home?" And then, because the answer you full well know is "Yes", it's time to just stop it.

If you're tired of the drama via social media, there is a little feature in virtually every platform that allows you to delete your profile. Delete it. Walk away. Refuse to plug in. Get a hobby...a nice, mellow hobby...like finger painting or flame throwing.

If you're tired of all the gossipmongering and tired of finding yourself feeling angry about something so and so did to who-zee-whats-it even though you don't know either one of them...just stop it. Set a boundary or two. Stop listening. And stop spreading the news.

And if you realize you are fueled and sustained by drama, fantasizing about faking your own death to A) see how many people care, B) garner sympathetic attention, or C) to play a joke on people you allegedly love?

Seek help. You are not well.

Because after you do this and people find out you aren't, in fact, dead?

No one will care about you, there will be no sympathetic attention, and you may discover your deadpan (ha!) humor has fallen face down flat.

*shaking head*

Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids.

2 comments:

Matt said...

It might be interesting to have a "Facebook Bankruptcy" or "Facebook Zero" option that just goes in and unfriends all of your friends, deletes all your content, and lets you start over from scratch.... I suspect that if I were to do that, I'd be a lot more picky about whose friend requests I actually accept.

MsSparrow said...

this comment is how I found out what was going on even though it is still hearsay
"Just FYI everyone. She is definitely alive. I've spoken with her numerous times tonight. This was a hoax. She has her reasons for doing it. I don't agree with them. I just want to let everyone know that she is not dead so they can sleep peacefully."

I think what bothered me the most about the whole situation is the fact that she let some people who cared about her very, very much believe that she was dead. They even set up a memorial service for her at the club. I just don't understand ANY reason that would make you do that to people you EVER cared about.

it's just sad when you are 23 (or 25 not quite sure) and you think that this is the best way to change your life. Whatever. It's done and over with now and I have better things to think about. Like when is Jane making me cake? Or do I need more of Matt's hot sauce? *laugh*