Sometimes Receiving Is Just as Good as Giving

December 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?


It sounds so simple.

Letting other people take care of me.

In reality though? It's quite possibly one of the hardest things for me to do.

It means, of course, the lack of control, the admitting of weakness, the lowering of carefully crafted and guarded protections. It means acknowledging that I can be, I am, vulnerable to the n^th degree.

Oh sure. I am perfectly able to express some of my vulnerability in a variety of ways. But actually allowing action to be taken based on that vulnerability?

Nuh uh.

Being sick the last few days though...I've found myself taking people up on offers to do things for me, to allow them to take care of me, asking (and receiving) assistance from unlikely sources.

There was the AMAZING homemade soup Modchen offered to make for me...and I accepted. The soup was a miracle in a bowl and I feel so much better from having eaten several servings of it. Perhaps the miracle itself was that, when she offered, I said, "Yes, please. And thank you." It came accompanied by several thick slices of the ultimate in cheesy toast. Served on a tray. I suspect she would have brought it to me in bed if she'd had a key to my front door.

And I could cry for her sweet thoughtfulness and generosity.

Then there were the navel oranges, for which I had an overwhelming craving, delivered to my door by the loveliest of all Divas. When she offered to bring them to me, I, at first, was inclined to say no, that's OK. But she wanted to help. Perhaps to repay me for Albuquerque *smile*. So, instead, I told her to bring them if it wasn't any bother. And she totally did. And they made the last couple of days so much easier. When I've been thirsty for something beyond water, I've reached for those oranges time and again. They're nearly gone. And I'm nearly well.

And I could cry for her sweet thoughtfulness and generosity.

But beyond the sickness the past few days...

A dawning awareness came over me last night as I sat and talked to Acr0nym...our weekly Saturday evening chat as we decide whether or not he will be escorting me to Milk...

He takes care of me in so many ways. I don't know why. I don't know why he does or why I let him. And I told him last night, thanked him for it. And then I asked him why he takes care of me like he does.

And he said, "Because we want to take care of you. You're easy to take care of."

And I could cry for his sweet thoughtfulness and generosity.

It really feels good to - every once in awhile - be cared for and not to be the one doing the caring. In return, I suspect, they, like me, get something from the caring.

So...in 2010, I let others care for me. In 2011, I'd like to let that happen more...every once in awhile. It feels so good, I could cry...from the thoughtfulness and generosity.