Monday, March 21, 2011

It's Alive!

I'm not dead.

I know you couldn't tell that from this blog over the past few days but no, truly, I'm alive and, while not exactly kicking, I'm at least twitching...uncontrollably...more or less.

While I don't know if this is the perception of other people, I feel as though I've been persona non grata for several days. Maybe weeks? Out of touch certainly...with friends, with the news. That's unusual for a girl like me...a girl who's had an obsession with information = control for the majority of her life. I have a weird compulsion to know what's happening in the world - whether that world is Netherworld (OK fine, Netherworld is gone, I accept this, I mean it metaphorically, moving on) or the larger world outside Denver and outside my personal scope.

I have a vague sense that there was an earthquake, tsunami, and subsequent problems at nuclear power plants in Japan last week. I'm embarrassed to admit I've had no ability to muster up much interest. I'm sure I will care...eventually. I just don't yet. I'm also embarrassed to admit that, while I do know from the breaking news updates in my e-mail box over the course of the last couple of days, I don't feel or think anything in particular about the major happenings in Libya...or in Wisconsin...or at SXSW (whatever the hell that is).

I haven't been able to hold up my end of personal conversations much lately either. Granted, I'm still struggling to speak and even though I know I sound better, most people find it painful to hear me. I keep insisting that no, really, this is a vast improvement. Still...everyone just keeps telling me to shoosh.

I don't handle being shooshed very well.

I think what I'm really trying to say is that I want more than anything to feel normal again. To feel like Jane again. To be connected and vibrant and happy. Unfortunately, right now, I'm just not any of those things.

So, if you have any ideas to bring me back around, I'm open to listening. Just, you know, don't expect much in the way of the talking...yet.

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