Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Snarky McSnarkerson Reporting For Duty

It's apparently that time again.

1) It's damn hot. We went from 40º to 90º in, like, 3 days. No period of adjustment just...one day huddling in leggings and sweaters to ohmygawd-do-I-seriously-have-to-wear-shirt-AND-shoes?

2) Subsequently, I'm either having a major dose of hay fever or I'm sick again. I gotta tell ya, if I'm sick again? There is something seriously wrong with me. If it's hay fever? There's something seriously wrong with our climate. I actually do believe it's hay fever based on the itchy, watery, burny eyes, the snot faucet running on high, and the horribly scratchy throat but no swollen glands. Regardless, I feel like sun-baked poop...

3) Just in time for the auditors to arrive tomorrow.

4) I posted earlier today about obnoxious people not knowing when it's appropriate to interrupt me when I'm eating my lunch. Which is to say - it's never appropriate to interrupt me when I'm eating my lunch unless I specifically invite you to interrupt me while I'm eating my lunch. Just in case you missed it though...stop it.

5) And speaking of obnoxious...to the jackass riding his motorcycle through the parking lot of the office building below mine this afternoon, throwing the throttle wide open and making as much noise as possible for his audience of 1 (me). I was not nodding and smiling in appreciation at your manly manness. No. In fact, I was shaking my head, smirking in disgust, and rolling my eyes deliberately and hard. You, Sir, are an asshat. Just stop it.

6) So...my family (hi, y'all) will all be here mid-July for a reunion of sorts. Now, I understand that this is the best time of year for everyone else to go gallivanting about on vacation. However, nothing has changed for me. Until I either die or leave this job, I will never again have any spare time from July 1 to mid-October. This means that I will not ever be able to go to the Utah Dark Arts Festival, Def Con, Dragon*Con, or family functions not held on nights or weekends. Yes, this particular aspect of my world sucks because I'd like to do all of those things. Unfortunately, it's the reality. Someone else will just have to step up to the plate and cruise direct the rest of you. As I recall, this cruise director retired several years ago anyway. Have no expectations of me and you shall not be disappointed.

7) What if I were to tell you that there is an event coming up in Denver that has sold out hotels in the area for 6 weeks, is expected to create traffic delays and jams, is expected to interfere with the ability for employees to get to work on time (if at all) whereby the city is issuing passes so these employees can park in their work parking lots, and where police will be out in force directing traffic for several days just to maintain some semblance of order, what would you guess it was?

It's certainly not the Democratic National Convention...or the Stock Show...or the U2 concert. The President isn't coming to town. So what the hell could be so damn important to practically shut down a city?


That's right. A furniture store. IKEA will be opening in Centennial - a few blocks from my work - in a few weeks. We've been told to expect all of the above. They will be allowing people to begin camping out in the parking lot of the store 48 hours before opening. What. The. Fuck?

It's a STORE, people! It's not a vacation or a destination or a good time. It's a store where they sell crappy furniture that you'll eventually just throw away. A store where they deliberately try to keep you in it by offering you restaurants (plural) and resting areas. Again. What. The. Fuck. Really?

8) To the girl at lunch yesterday driving the bitchin' camaro...thanks for the nostalgia but really? You aren't cool.

9) And, finally, to leave you on a positive note...I had a win! The Puberty Preparedness Kit I put together for my friend who is transitioning from female to male was a hit *smile*. And I'm glad. For him...and for me. I needed that. Seriously. Although...I'm not certain the lemon chess and pecan pies I baked for the Boythday Party weren't just as well received *laugh*.


Teresa said...

Have I mentioned lately how much I love you Snarky McSnarkerson?

zero hour said...

it's the heat..no...it's the HEAT...or it could be..THE FRICKING HEAT! I went near postal in a Wendys yesterday... I never go postal in public and I rarely if ever go into a Wendys... how? why?
I blame .
glad the PP kit was a hit!!