Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Like That Dream Where You're Standing in Front of the Class in Your Underwear Except I Wasn't in Class and I'd Forgotten My Underwear

The persistent knocking at the front door began as it moved toward midnight.

I came to semi-consciousness as it got louder, more insistent and I thought, "Go away, #himself. I don't need my vodka back right now," and then rolled over and hoped it would stop soon so I could go back to sleep.

It soon became clear the knocking was not going to stop.

In this neighborhood - probably in any neighborhood really - knocks on the door in the middle of the night are not usually indicative of anything good and, frankly, had I been more lucid, I would have gone back to retrieve Lex who was A) awake and B) fully clothed and C) male which is better to greet the knocker with, hopefully, a punch in the nose.

As it was, I wasn't lucid under any stretch of the imagination and just wanted it to stop.

I flew out of bed, more than a little annoyed, and, without stopping to put on my glasses or pants (and I do mean ANY pants), I went out to the front door and opened it only a crack because A) I didn't want the cat to escape and B) I wasn't wearing any pants.

The badge was the only thing I saw at first. COP registered in my brain. But why was there a cop at my door long about midnight when I wasn't wearing any pants?

He asked to talk to Lex.

"What is this regarding?" I asked, suspiciously.

"His car was involved in the accident."

Huh? I didn't stop to ask what accident I just said I'd go get Lex and wasn't being rude but was trying to keep the cat in when I shut the door in the guy's face.

I scooped up Vinny who had crept up behind me, retrieved Lex and then, because curiosity had gotten the best of me, I followed Lex out to the foyer where he was standing with the door wide, talking to the cop and the witness of the accident. Which would have probably been fine except...

I was not wearing any pants, People.

And this thought did not dawn on me until this morning when I woke up and realized I'd been so discombobulated, I don't know what kind of peep show I might have given those two poor men.

Next time? I hope I remember my pants.


PS The end of the story goes a little something like this...

A hit and run driver sideswiped Lex's car, banged it up pretty good and took out the driver's side mirror. There was an eyewitness who A) called the cops and B) stuck around long enough to give a statement. The car is undriveable given that it is now not road safe without a driver's side mirror.

Lex isn't very happy.

1 comment:

PATTY LEIDYS ZERO HOUR said...

grrrrrrrrrrr..indeed..and hey girl Stop Blogging! HAHAHAHA