Friday, September 30, 2011

A Break to Update

I'm taking this small break from the arduous task of documenting the American Gods and Roadside Attractions Tour to state, for the record, I am, in fact, sick with the first seasonal cold.

*shaking fists at the sky* WHY?!?!

Although...being sick has helped free up my time - I can't sleep all the time, can I? - for the writing of the blog since I loathe people who go to work sick and then get me sick and so I have a strict no-work policy when I'm running any kind of a temperature which I have been pretty much all week. This is me, setting a good example. Follow my lead, mkay? Thanks. Ha ha.

My invisible internet friend over at Geekin' Hard proposed that we bloggers, at the end of every month, post the 3 strangest search results that brought readers to our blogs. And since I'm fascinated by what brings people to me, I'm all on board with that. So! Here's my September list...

Top 3 Weirdest Search Returns for Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom September, 2011:

1. does onion help grow facial hair
2. barista ball gag
3. germs make you suck

A) I have no idea if onion will help make someone grow facial hair. It would make sense if cheese did considering just how much cheese I eat (you people really have no idea what A LOT of cheese is, do you?) and just how much (unwanted) facial hair I have but onion? I don't believe I've ever discussed such a topic so I am of no help to you.

B) Again, I have no recollection of having ever discussed ball gagging a barista but, if you're a non-morning person like most of the American population (although I'm not one of you...I'm decidedly a morning person), I can see where ball gagging the barista at your favorite, locally owned and independent (because none of MY readers would dare to go to Starbucks, now would you?) coffee house might be of benefit when it's 6 a.m. and you're blinking bleary eyed at the perky, rainbows-and-bubbles-and-puppies-and-kittens espousing barista practically begging you to let her do the double dream hands dance for you. Unfortunately though, I have absolutely no advice on how to get the ball gag willingly into her mouth. And I? Am all about consent. Again, I am no help to you.

C) Suck what? Just generally suck? Given that someone generously *cough* gave me this mutherfucking cold? Yeah. Germs totally make people suck. But, until now, I'm fairly certain I'd failed to mention that having assumed that was a given. IS possible. I tend to get sick once in fall and once in winter/spring so I suppose I could have said something about germs making people suck. Still...weird.

So...yeah. That's pretty much all I've got for you tonight. Tomorrow I shall resume with the documentation of the roadtrip. It's been an interesting collaborative process. Acr0nym took nearly all the photos and has provided me with maps and details I couldn't recall. I'm writing it all out. I hope that, at least some of you, are finding it interesting.


Geekin' Hard said...

Awesome! Barista ball gag? Sweet jeziz... boggles the mind what people are expecting to find sometimes. Thanks for getting on board, the entertainment value from this is incalculable :) You couldn't make some of this stuff up!

spux said...

Best search term for my blog "raptor jesus" :-D