Thursday, October 13, 2011

Imma Gonna Ramble

1) I'm trying not to get my hopes up but, after just 4 doses of the wonders of doxycycline, it's a distinct possibility that I'm getting better.

I can't really tell just yet because, right now, there is a major Germ War going on inside my body. I can almost hear the gunfire going off. My guys - the Antibiotics - are firing off rounds from a Glock .45 (this is the only weapon I've ever fired so I have a good idea of what this sounds and feels like) in rapid succession. The other guys - The Germs (but not The Germs) - are fighting to keep hold of this compound but seem to be running out of ammunition. However, I am shivering and feverish, exhausted and shaky. My sinus infection symptoms are dissipating quickly but are just as quickly being replaced with the dreaded side effects (just not the ones I've been staving off with Good Belly...yet).

I remember now why the doctor's office tries to start me off with amoxicillin. Because it doesn't feel bad to take it. However, it also only fires off rounds from a .22 (pew pew...pew pew) which is about as effective as a BB gun...or possibly a cap gun...quite possibly a nerf gun.

So! While I still feel like microwaved crap, I do think tomorrow I might wake up feeling ever so slightly improved. Hooray! Only 12 more days of antibiotics to go.

2) Lex bought a car today. Finally.

If you'll recall, back in July, his car was involved in a hit and run in the middle of the night rendering it inoperable. It took him 2 weeks to call his insurance company and only then because it was time for monthly street sweeping and he didn't want to get yet another $50 parking ticket. They towed it away, assessed the damages, and totaled it out. It would take him another 6 weeks to get the insurance company the title to the car so they'd send him a check. He didn't mind. Frankly, he was relishing the fact that he didn't have to worry about parking, parking tickets, street sweeping, insurance. He had a built in excuse for why he couldn't go somewhere he didn't want to go. And, for those few times he DID want to go somewhere, he and I would work it out so he could take my car...

Which worked just fine until this weekend just past.

It started out Friday afternoon. He'd taken me to work early in the morning so he could have the car mid-day to go do a job up in Gunbarrel with the understanding that he'd pick me up at my office by 3. At 2:37 he called me and said he was just getting on I-25 and would be there in 20 minutes...

Except it was Friday afternoon and anyone who has experience driving on I-25 on a Friday afternoon knows that 20 minutes is not only optimistic but laughable. Nearly an hour later he would arrive to pick my sneezing, coughing, exhausted and cranky butt up.

Then, on Saturday, he wanted to go out to the club to meet up with a girl he'd been talking to online. But he didn't want to take the bus and he didn't want to walk and he didn't want to take a taxi. So he asked if I'd mind if he took the car. My only stipulation was that he didn't drink more than a couple of drinks and he would take care of himself because there'd been violence in the area of the club at bar close.

I trust Lex. Implicitly. So off he went and then off I went to bed. When I woke up at 3 and he wasn't yet home, I must confess, I panicked. The violence I mentioned has been going on for months...gangs targeting lone men walking in the area and beating them up...occasionally with baseball bats. There have been several attacks. I was scared. Even if he'd decided to stay until club close (which would be extraordinarily rare for him), Lex isn't the sort to stay out all night or go home with someone else. He is, decidedly, a who doesn't particularly appreciate someone else in his own bed.

I tried to text. I tried to call...several times. I resorted to texting Peej to see if, on the off chance (WAY off chance) that he'd gone home with them for an after party. No dice.

I'd finally get a hold of him about an hour later. He was trying to find parking after having gone to middle-of-the-night breakfast. I went back to sleep.

But! I think the final straw, for him, was that he has a job this weekend - and I do mean the whole weekend (12-hour days). He'd asked if he could have the car both Saturday and Sunday which would leave me stranded at home both days. I agreed reluctantly. But then? Then his "boss" asked him to work Friday afternoon and into the night. He couldn't have the car then and he told his boss so. His boss's response? Well then, take the bus. The concept of taking the bus into Boulder was more than Lex could take. So today, he bought a car. A shiny, 10-year-old Honda Civic. Green. Yay. Now I can actually run all the errands I've been putting off for the last 3 weeks due to being sicker than a dog with mange. I know he was enjoying his carless state but the wear and tear on me? Was getting

3) I ran an errand on Colfax for Acr0nym today.

This isn't really noteworthy for the errand's sake because it wasn't hard, it wasn't taxing, it was a favor for my BFF and that's all good - he'd do the same for me. But, as I drove down the street, I remembered. I try not to but sometimes I can't help it. The BINGO game, the scavenger hunt, that last sad night. And I realize I'm still hurting. It's been almost six months. You'd think the hurt would go away by now. But no. It's still there poking at me with a big stick. I didn't do anything wrong (did I...I mean, besides being just me?)!!! And yet? Yet, I am the one who hurts. Something just doesn't feel right about that. I didn't do anything wrong...did I?

Dammit! I'm a nice person. BAH!

4) I miss my life. I miss my friends. I'd like this sickness to go away. Now.

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