Sunday, February 12, 2012

It Was Either Somali Pirates or Ninjas...I'm Not Sure Which

Yesterday was kind of a strange day. One of those days where I was puttering about, getting some things done around the house, running to the grocery store, and spending time with Noodle.

I didn't realize I hadn't eaten anything at all except coffee until about 6 p.m.

So I did what I always do...cut a few slices of cheese and served them to myself with a side of cracked pepper Triscuits and sat down at my computer with a glass of wine to write.

I was not drunk.

I was listening to the final edit of the podcast and then drafting a blog entry while e-mailing back and forth with Noodle who, by then, was working. I was reading a response from him, in fact, wine glass in least, that's the last thing I remember doing.

The next thing I knew, I heard the sound of breaking glass, opened my eyes, and realized I was slumped over in my chair, the remnants of the shattered glass still in my hand. Blood flowing down my chest. At first, I didn't understand what had happened. I tossed the wine glass into the trash can and went into the bathroom to see if I could figure out the source of blood.

It was my face. It looked kinda bad.

I called and called for Lex. He came in, took one look, and bundled me up to take me to the emergency room. I was lucid - remained lucid the rest of the night. I was able to e-mail Noodle before I left to tell him where I was going and why. I was able to text Acr0nym to tell him I needed him.

The hospital isn't far from here. Lex got me checked in and then went out to park his car and wait for Acr0nym who wasn't far away. Pretty soon, I was resting comfortably in an exam room with Lex, Acr0nym, and Spux - the official 3rd non-husband - who was with Acr0nym when he received my text.

The doctor ordered an EKG and blood work and x-rays to make sure there was no glass in the laceration.

When Mary, the radiologist, wheeled me back into my exam room, there was Noodle too. And I felt very very loved surrounded by these four. Even though they were all Han Solo'ing me when I told them I loved them and each one just said, "I know".

All my tests were normal. No heart problems, blood pressure good, pulse ox good, blood work normal. No explanation about why I might have passed out. They kept asking me if I was pregnant *sigh*. Nope. Not even a possibility. One PA asked me, "With all these amazing men doting on you, there's not even a slight chance of pregnancy?" I laughed. Nope. Not even a little.

They took before pictures - after they rinsed out the laceration. They measured it - 8 1/2 cm. It took 27 stitches to close.

Then they sent me home with my Lex and my Noodle who have both taken very good care of me. Lex is, right now, making me bacon and eggs.

I'm shaken up and I'm scared. I don't have any answers.

What I do have is 27 neatly sewn stitches prominently displayed along the left hand side of my Frankenstein face with assurances that it will, indeed, scar and something going on that's causing me to faint like goats.

I don't know what more to say.

So I'm going to go eat some bacon and eggs and snuggle up to Noodle who is warm and thinks I'm beautiful - even with a scarred face.

Nothing but sippy cups from now on.


Anonymous said...

Holy crap. I hope they find you an answer, and soon.

In the mean time, I think you need to host a contest, challenging people to come up with a super-cool story for you to tell when people ask about the scar. The truth is dandy, I suppose, but my guess is that a little embellishment could be a whole lot of fun.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry! That sounds terrible. Hopefully it was just a case of low blood sugar that caused you to pass out. Hugs to you!

Lucy said...

Oh, my gosh, how scary. How often are you fainting? Hope you feel better soon but more importantly here is hoping the fainting stops, I guess just the way it started, out of the blue. Keeping my fingers crossed! No more fainting.

Randy said...

Wow... I hope that was a one time occurrence.

cdnkaro said...

That is all kinds of scary. Glad to hear you're ok now and have such an awesome support network on hand:) You definitely need a contest for coolest scar story.

Gaelyn said...

You really do have to eat Before drinking. I truly hope that is the answer. But glad you're OK and that Noodle and Lex, and all the other non-husbands, are taking care of you. Nice to be pampered sometimes.

Bon said...

Oh, Jane!


You going to do a fasting blood sugar thingie? Or have you already done that?

Masked Mom said...

I hate medical mysteries. Hope yours is solved soon. Good to know you're surrounded by such great guys in the meantime!

Unknown said...

How scary! Does your face hurt much? Hope they soon get to the bottom of why you fainted. Take care, sweet Janie!

Michael said...

A scary story but I'm glad you're okay and at home and I hope you get answers soon. As for the scar, don't worry about it, they're hot and it'll make you look dangerous and sexy at the same time! Take care and be well!

Frances D said...


Catch My Words said...

What an awful story! Are you sure you want us to come up with fun alibis for you?


Maria said...

Yikes! I hope they find out what caused you to faint and I also hope over time you scar becomes less prominent. I have a rather large scar on what I call my bionic ankle. It was at one time quite fiery and red. I was self-conscious about it to say the least. An older woman asked me about it one day in a very large voice on the first day I dared to bare it while wearing capris. Without batting an eye, I explained that i was attacked by a tiger while on safari, but that my quick thinking and slap to the nose caused the tiger's retreat. A straight face helps here. *smiles* I will also tell you that my scar is barely visible these days and the surgery was in August of 2009. My best to you!

Unknown said...

How awful!! I can only imagine how terribly your face hurts. I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. My thoughts are with you, and hope you will be feeling better soon.


ElaineLK said...

I'm sure this was very scary for you, Jane, and having the scar won't be fun at all. It's possible the fainting spell came from your not having eaten all day. Another possibility is vasovagal syndrome--I'm not a doctor, but my husband has passed out from this several times. Not a serious condition in itself, but it can cause accidents such as yours. Best idea is to have yourself checked out thoroughly. I hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

That is so awful! Believe me, I know how scary it is to have an "incident" and the doctors can't figure out why. I had one last summer and still don't know why. Maybe I'll have to blog about it sometime! Feel better soon!

Jo said...

Okay, I gave it a shot! I made up one possible tale to tell.
I do hope it isn't too painful or that they gave you good drugs.
Take care of yourself and let those non-husbands pamper their girl into a full healing! Yep, I'm sayin' milk it girl.

Unknown said...

After reading this, I think I'll be drinking from a plastic cup from now.But that would probably lessen the enjoyment of the wine!

Glad it didn't get worse than that.Hope the community will help you chill.Here's hoping for your fast recovery!

The Host said...

Wow. There's a pretty significant amount of holy shit in that story. But fear not! Scars are intriguing.

Julie DeMille said...

There is a blessing that comes with age. A twenty-something would be horrified by having a facial scar (I would've, maybe I was a shallow 20 year-old), but at our age, we can embrace it as a sign of life well lived. Or, you know, a shark attack.

Margi said...

Ack! I missed this when it happened, but know I'm sending love and strength, albeit a little late.

Jenn said...

It is you know how many times I sit down at my computer and chat and blog and drink wine? Wow--Hugs to you. Glad Beth picked this up as a GBE2 prompt--and I wish you a speedy recovery!

Cheers, Jenn

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing your story and the inspiration. Here's hoping you are coping well and continue to fly! :)