Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Because why not?

I've been thinking a lot about The Long Winter lately.

It's the sixth book in the Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder and, for reasons unknown, is my second favorite in the series (my favorite is These Happy Golden Years, just, yannow, FYI).

In the installment, Wilder details the winter of 1880-1881 during which she and her family, living in her father's store building in town (De Smet, South Dakota), endured 7 months of near constant blizzards and extreme cold. Cut off from food supplies and largely isolated from the other townspeople for most of that time.

They didn't have any toilet paper either.

They definitely didn't have Netflix.

They nearly starved to death.

Thinking about that - how difficult that must have been for them and how terrifying this pandemic must be for so many now - makes me acutely aware of my privilege and I am supremely grateful for all that I have at my disposal.

I have a secure job with the ability to work from home 100% while physically distancing; I have all the right tech equipment and in house tech support (thanks, Lex!) to make it possible; we have cheese and Netflix and my Kindle is chock full of unread books. And, just in case we run outta TP, I've got a large stockpile of cheap washcloths at the ready and a sanitation setting on the washing machine.

I'm worried, of course.

I'm worried about the physical and emotional health of my family, friends, and co-workers. I'm worried about the financial fallout. I'm worried that people will start to say, "Fuck it!" and deliberately expose themselves to the virus to get it over with so life can get back to business as usual.

No matter that whatever business was usual pre-COVID-19 no longer exists.

I worry that this virus could be the death of me.

But I'm remarkably low anxiety. I don't ever remember not feeling anxious so this is new.

And welcome.

I know what I can control and what I cannot.

  • I can't control others.
  • I can't control the supply chain.
  • I can't control what happens in politics, on Wall Street, next door.
  • I can't control my dramatic over-consumption of coffee apparently.

But!

  • I can control my attitude.
  • I can control my actions.
  • I can control my focus on showing love, compassion, and care for myself and everyone around me.

That is enough.

So!

Every day, I wash my face, brush my teeth, put on Grown Up clothes and shoes. I style my hair and take my pills and listen to music and work. I snuggle with the cat and push him out of the way at least 10 times a day. I talk to Lex. I interact on social media. I read nice things and try not to consume all the news...or the snax.

I dyed my hair purple.

Next week it's going to be pink. I think.

I'm trying every makeup and skincare sample in my stash and I'm trying out lipsticks I've never worn because I thought they weren't my color. I'm wearing all sorts of different eyeshadow in a variety of combinations because Peej told me THERE ARE NO RULES.

Tomorrow I might wear a dress.

At the very least, it makes all those video conference calls for work a little more interesting.

I'm taking selfies...and posting them. Up 'til now, I think I'd taken maybe 10 selfies in my whole life. I've taken 10 just today.

Here's the thing.

Life is short, People.

I don't know who will be here next week, next month, next year. I may not be here next week, next month, next year. Not to be all Debbie Downer on you or anything, but thems the breaks. Thems always the breaks - pandemic or no. We just don't know.

So...

Here we are. Suspended in the lost hour of Daylight Saving Time. That lost hour where everything that felt normal and fast and inconsiderate disappeared. That lost hour when time stopped and we all stood still.

I'm doing what I can to use the lost hour wisely. To try new things. To take care of myself and my loved ones. To appreciate what I have and what I can do. To make do.

That's why I'm wearing the green eyeshadow.

Why not?

St. Patrick's Day - Pandemic Green


2 comments:

cdnkaro said...

Might I just say that you are rocking the green eye shadow, btw? I have missed you! ❤️ Cdncaro

Gaelyn said...

You have the right attitude to survive. I like the hair color. Also nice to see you writing here again.