Friday, April 23, 2010

Bath, Bacon, Booze, Blog

Is there anything in that blog title not to like?

I'm currently into the booze and blog portion of the aforementioned blog title having already bathed and then gorged on extra crispy bacon and a 3-cheese omelet.

I'm bra free, in my pajamas, and loving it.

Yesterday afternoon, I was convinced I wanted to happy hour it tonight. No, really! I was totally ready to hit either the wine bar or the martinis...possibly both.

But then, on my way to work this morning, all the wind was sucked right out of my sails by the [insert several 4-letter euphemisms here] snow!

That's right. Snow.

And yes, I know it's April in Colorado. And yes, I know this should not come as any surprise to me that we should get a mid-spring snowstorm...a heavy, wet snowstorm that increases the humidity to eleventy billion percent and makes my hair go like this...


photo compliments of www.lostmuseum.cuny.edu

But still...I was irritated.

Because once my hair frizzes up like that? I don't feel pretty anymore. I feel unkempt and grumpy.

Add to that the fact that when I awoke this morning, I immediately got a charley horse in my inner thigh.

That's right. My inner thigh.

Now, I'd like for you to take a moment and imagine what that feels like.

You've had a charley horse in your calf before, yes? If not, you're lucky. But if you have, then you know how bad that hurts, yes? Now, just imagine that the charley horse isn't in your calf but in the middle of your inner thigh.

Now try to stand up while having to desperately pee because it's first thing in the morning and you had a quart of water just before bed but you can't stand up because you've got a cramp in your thigh that makes you weep for mercy from a nonexistent god and that is, in fact, how you know god doesn't exist because cramps like that totally do.

And that's what I'm talking about.

This means that my electrolytes are off even though I've been diligent about taking my potassium supplements and my multi-vitamin and salting damn near everything except my wine.

Boo.

Needless to say, by the end of the day, what I really wanted to do was come home, get warm1, possibly nap, and then drink.

I'm not drinking alone, you know. Lex is totally here with me...in his room...with the door closed...and Vinny's with him.

Still, I'm not alone.

Just think, you were going to get 2 blog posts tonight...one about my 20th high school reunion coming up and one about the to-do over the Lane Bryant commercial ABC and Fox refused to air.

Instead, you get me and wine and ramble.

Don't you feel lucky?





1: Because you do understand I didn't take a coat to work this morning considering there was no mention of Mother F**ing snow in the forecast, right?

1 comment:

Diva said...

My upper thigh cramped up as I read this bit:

"Now try to stand up while having to desperately pee because it's first thing in the morning and you had a quart of water just before bed but you can't stand up because you've got a cramp in your thigh that makes you weep for mercy from a nonexistent god and that is, in fact, how you know god doesn't exist because cramps like that totally do."

Excellent writing that.