Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Two Front Teeth

I'm making my list for Santa.

Not that Santa actually visits me or anything...not by way of gift exchanges with other people (other than little things with Devo Was Right, Bomb Betsy, and Owen) anyway. Blind Betsy typically sends me Amazon gift certificates for both Christmas and birthday (although I've asked her not to) and Dr. Dave sometimes sends me a check (even though I've asked him to send it to someone who needs it more than me).

But every year I do make a list for Santa Jane - a list of things I need - that act as presents to myself.

So here's my letter to Santa:

Dear Santa,

I think I've been pretty nice this year overall. I mean, well, there were a few things that I suppose, if taken out of context, might appear to be "naughty" but really! I swear, all that gin was totally necessary. Call it my "medication" *wink wink*.

So, I'm hoping you'll still consider me an optimal candidate for gift reception this holiday season. If so, I'd like to offer up the following as appropriate presents for this humble Grotto dweller.

1) A new AC charger for my Samsung Captivate smartphone. Remember how, back in July, you gifted me a half Christmas present of a new smartphone? Well...the battery charger that came with it won't stay plugged into the phone itself. And, seeing as the car battery charger stays put just fine, I think it's just something wrong with the AC charger. So, if you don't mind, that would be first on my list.

2) A new set of speakers for my computer. The speakers I have now are 7 years old and one has finally taken a crap and won't work anymore. Since this is the only source of music I have - except for the aforementioned smartphone which isn't always practical...especially when other people want to listen - I really need a new set of speakers. No fancy schmancy speakers are required. Just a nice reliable set with decent sound will do.

3) New tires for the sensible car would be awesome! And uh...we probably ought to make those happen soon, wouldn't you say, Santa? Otherwise, I'll be walking the 15+ miles to (and then again from) work every day. Or calling you for a ride in the sleigh.

4) And while we're thinking about the car, if you could throw in a new water pump (or is it the fuel pump??? I don't know...some kinda pump) and belts and such that wear out at 100k miles, well, that'd be appreciated too. I suppose the new struts would also come in handy but, you know, I'll take what I can get. That damn car sure does love to accessorize with new shoes and belts. Next thing you know it'll be telling me I shoulda put a ring on it.

5) A plane ticket to New Zealand (and Savannah and Maryland) would totally rock my socks off. An upgrade to business class? Only in my dreams.

I think that's it this year, Santa. I've got all the basics, as usual, covered. I know a raise isn't in the cards again this year but, with a lick and a prayer, there won't be anymore salary cuts and maybe next year I can ask for a raise too.

You're the best!

Jane...In My Infinite Wisdom

No comments: