Monday, December 13, 2010

Whereby I Ruin Lex's Dream of a Kitchen Robot

Gratuitous cock and pussy shots included.

And now for something a little fun because, you know, there hasn't been nearly enough fun 'round these parts for the last couple of weeks.

In order to tell you this story, I shall first take you on a little virtual tour of my kitchen.

In this first picture, you will notice how much actual counter space comes with the Grotto kitchen...

That is to say - none. This is not an exaggeration.

So, when Lex and I moved in, the situation was beyond dire. Luckily, the Grotto kitchen is also really quite large and can accommodate this...

No, not the cat. The cat was sold separately. I'm talking about the portable, rollable butcher block - dismantles in 15 seconds...when not supporting all my baking ingredients upon its shelves.

And then, because she felt sorry for us, Lex's mom bought us this sideboard with additional cabinetry so that we could at least have somewhere to put the toaster oven...

A better picture of my cock...

My cock doesn't actually have anything to do with the story, I just like saying I have a cock...which I do and it's heat resistant up to 475°.


So now that you have an understanding of my unusual kitchen limitations - and, I'm sure you're also feeling a little sorry for me too (sympathy is appreciated, thanks!) - I can now tell you my story.

Place: The Grotto Kitchen

Time: Yesterday afternoon

I'm in the midst of baking a shit ton of cookies - surprise - for Owen's birthday celebration later in the evening. I'm standing at the butcher block where there is just enough room to set a cooling rack, one cookie sheet, and the bowl of cookie dough while I'm forming the dough into what will become lovely chocolate chip macadamia nut mounds of bliss.

Throughout the cookie making process, I kept calling on Lex to help me move things around, do dishes so I could start the next batch (of lime cookies for him, thankyouverymuch), etc and, finally, because my hands were covered in dough, I asked him to move the cookie sheet I'd just finished filling from the butcher block to the top of the stove so that I could begin filling the sheet underneath it.

And he says...

Lex: It won't be long now - a couple of years - and you'll be able to have a kitchen robot to do these things for you.

Jane: I don't need a robot. I've got you.

Lex: But what if I'm not here? What if I'm kidnapped by the men in black vans?

Jane: Then I'm moving to a house with a kitchen that has counter space.

Lex: But how is that going to help you move a cookie sheet when your hands are all covered in dough? You need a robot to move the sheet for you!

Jane: No I don't. I just need enough counter space to lay out two sheets side by side.

Lex: Debbie fucking Downer.

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