Friday, May 06, 2011

A Visit From the Internal Master of the Zen Stick

You know, every once in awhile, I forget that I do - as the name implies - have great flashes of infinite wisdom.

Case in point: The last couple of weeks have been rough. Up, down, around and around, poking at large, snaggle-toothed monsters with a sharp, pointy stick. Digging into the meat of my matter. So much so that, at last, the not unexpected physiological manifestation of my inner "bleah" began to take shape yesterday causing nausea, intestinal distress and, finally, a sore throat, swollen glands, and a cough. Last night, as I laid drifting off to sleep, I thought to myself, "I'm so tired of swimming in this pool of grief. I'm not even swimming! I'm barely treading water. And this water is damn cold."

My eyes popped open wide.

Wait. This sounds kind of familiar. Didn't I write about this before from a much more positive perspective? So, this morning, I did a search.


Behold. The Art of Joy.

As I re-read what I'd written back in November, I started to feel exponentially better. I kept thinking to myself, "Wow! This particular Jane is really smart! How'd she get so smart? And, moreover, why have I not been listening to her? I really ought to listen and then practice what she preaches."

At that moment, I saw my next stepping stone of joy. And it was in the form of a promised afternoon walk with Lex when he gets home from a job. I'm not feeling physically better - throat sore, coughing, face swollen from sinus pressure - but mentally I'm finding my balance. I'm going to go outside in the sunshine and fresh air with one of my dear hearts and stop when I want to smell the roses. We might even take Vinny on his harness and leash (except he tends not to want to walk so much as he wants to roll around in the street).

And even though I'm not going to be able to attend the Onyx Reunion tonight as I refuse to be the spreader of the Deathwish Plague Part Deux, I am going to snuggle down with Lex and Vinny, order pizza, and watch Mr. Show and Swimming with Sharks. The knowledge of this is joyful.

And even though I may not be up to doing as much this weekend as I'd hoped, the knowledge that I can spend the weekend finishing Game of Thrones, the novel, so that I can then get caught up on the HBO episodes, is a nice compromise.

I took my 2 steps back. I accept my mistakes. I'm finding my balance and my forward motion. Again.

Heh. Another joy? Art Garfunkel TOTALLY creeps me out in this video. Does he not look like he's giving the Creepy Stalker Stare and, at any moment, may come lunging through the screen to tear out your throat? I know. Weird thing to get gleeful about but still...made of win.

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