Monday, May 02, 2011

What? You Were Expecting bin Laden Substance? Guess Again.

1) T minus 3 days and Dayna will be here. And there will be CAKE! and BOOZE! and DANCIN'! and BRUNCH! and just...ohmygawd I can't wait for Thursday.

2) I used to really like pigeons. Seriously. Pigeons are kinda cool looking. Every one is different and some are almost...glittery and incandescent. Plus, there's the whole Bert connection.

But do you want to know something important - Bert's saddle shoes aside? Pigeons are nasty damn birds. They eat trash all day and then. THEN! They sit on the power line that runs just beneath the north side parking spots in front of my house and poop on my car. And do you want to know what doesn't come off car paint? Pigeon poop.

Damn birds.

3) Do you know what learning about PCI Compliance makes me want to do...I mean, besides run away screaming? It makes me never want to give out my credit card to anyone ever again.

I suppose that would curb my internet shopping indefinitely. Except I haven't been internet shopping in 5 months. Still...if I were actively internet shopping, it would give me pause.

4) So Lex, in HIS infinite wisdom, handed me a loaded gun last night. Not literally, folks. Because he especially knows how I react to even unloaded firearms thankyouverymuch. No. What he did was give me unsolicited information that, frankly? I didn't want. And now I'm like, "Well. I can't do anything with that information one way or the other. I just get to sit back, know the truth, and watch it unfold. Powerless to stop the train wreck that's acomin'." Like the Wells Fargo Wagon...

Well...except the Wells Fargo Wagon comin' woulda brought somethin' thpethial just for me. And this doesn't feel like anything particularly special. It feels like a crap sandwich no matter how I look at it.

At least I know I'm not the craziest crazy. Small comfort. Especially when I already knew that. Oh well *shrug*. It is what it is. Can I have that crap sammich animal style with mustard and carmelized onions? Thanks. If I'm forced to eat that sammich again, at least have the decency to fix it the way I like it.

5) Just in case you couldn't moon rising. And I'm full o' the whatevers and grrrr's. 

6) If you haven't tried Van Gogh Double Espresso Infused Vodka imported from Holland, you should. You really really should. Smooth as silk with no mixer. Seriously. And only $20 for 750mL. Not bad for imported vodka. Flask worthy or I'll eat my...flask.

7) Very few of you know this but I had a friend, Big Matty, who was in prison for 17 very long years. A few years ago, his tv - the one he'd had for nearly all of his tenure in the MDOC (Michigan Department of Corrections) - took a pigeon crap on him and he was out his 2nd of 2 sources of escape. So I bought him a new one with no expectation that I'd see that money returned to me. Honestly? I just wanted him to have something - anything - worth having during an unjust time in an unjust world. A few days ago then, imagine my surprise when, I opened my mailbox and waiting there for me was a check from the Hopzilla, 4 years after he'd paroled out (finally), reimbursing me for my gift. Part of me wishes he hadn't worried about it. The other part of me is grateful he did.

8) I use the word "love" too much and too often. But I don't know how to distinguish - in words - between what I feel for Lex, the Divatologist, the Peej, the Acr0nym, cheese, pie, Teresa, and everything (and everyone) in between. For this, I guess, I'm supposed to be sorry. I'm sorry I love too much. I'm sorry I hate too much. I'm just...I guess...sorry.

Not for Blind Betsy or anyone averse to foul language or punk rock.

9) Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will curb my enthusiasm for punk. Nothing.

10) And while we're talking about nothing, "Nothing. I'm just loooooooking at you." - Mr. Show.

11) Aggro Jane is aggro...and should go to bed. Heh. Surprise. That's where I'm headed.

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