Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday. 8:21 p.m.
I'm sipping a glass of pinot grigio - from a box - and reveling in an extremely rare moment of naked Jane time.
Hint: I'm not actually naked.
Whenever Lex or I have a few hours completely alone in the Grotto, that's what we call it: Naked Time. It means there is no one else populating this space (besides Vinny and he doesn't care), when there is no extra energy but our very own, when we can be 100% completely ourselves.
Lex gets a lot of Naked Time since A) he's not working a whole lot outside the house, B) he's rarely social and C) I am, it would seem, a very social creature.
Oh yes, yes I am very social. But I ain't that social. I need Naked Time just as much as he does and, frankly, I haven't gotten any designated Naked Time in...I don't know how long. A very, very long time. And I have been feeling frustrated over the lack of it for awhile. So he understood when I finally had to say go away. Do something, ANYTHING outside the house for several hours at least. Please. Please?
The problem, however, is that, because I'm so social, it's hard to find time for him to be gone when I'm not also gone. So, when he said he was going to game at a friend of his tonight, even though I had a BBQ to attend this afternoon, I opted to cut my evening relatively short so that I could get at least a solid couple of hours of Naked Time in before he came home.
So that's what I'm doing.
A friend e-mailed me this morning and told me she admired how much I was "fearlessly myself" and "open like the nakedness" and that contributed to how much she adored me. And I am...fearlessly myself. I put myself out there always...genuine and sincere...willing to hurt in order to stay open to every possibility. But honestly? I don't know that I'm capable of being completely naked in front of anyone...except myself.
So here I am. Drinking wine, writing, pondering, and being naked. And I'm wondering if it's prudent to stay up as late as he'll (allegedly) be gone just to get every ounce of value out of this rare experience.
I needed this.
Labels: random ramblings