Thursday, September 06, 2012

Old Friends and Lost Loves

1) I unfriended someone on Facebook today.

This is a man I've been friends with since we were in high school. My mother and his parents are friends. We go way back. But you know? Politics make people crazy. They certainly make me crazy. Just ask my livejournal circa 2008 when I was so over-the-top angsty over the very idea of Sarah Palin, I was spewing crazy talk night after night and getting my much needed daily dose of sanity from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Frankly, those two are quite possibly the only reason I'm not dead or in jail over that election.

And when I woke up this morning to find several vitriolic posts in a row from someone I've always been fond of spewing political hatred and making sure I, and everyone else on his friend list, knew removing "under God" from the pledge of allegiance was despicable and unacceptable, I decided, spur of the moment, I'm done.


That's the first time I've ever unfriended someone over politics. I don't feel good about it. But I don't feel good about being called despicable for believing his god doesn't belong in my government (or my vagina for that matter) either.

2) Tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of Andy's death. I'm not coping so well this year. Privately, I'm kind of a mess. I just had this realization about it though...

Over the last three years, this sad anniversary has been counter-balanced with other, extraordinary memories of travel with some of the people I love the best...

Sunset over Orcas Island, San Juan Islands, WA 2009

In 2009, just after he died, I spent 8 incredible days with the Drs. Conroy in Seattle and the San Juans.

Sunrise on South Miami Beach, FL 2010

In 2010, it was a trip to Miami and a cruise to the Bahamas with Blind Betsy.

Sunset somewhere in Iowa 2011

And last year, it was the American Gods and Roadside Attractions Tour with the BFF.

This year, I've got nothin'. No sunrises or sunsets over unfamiliar waters or unseen byways. I'd say I regret the decision not to make travel/vacation plans but, in all honesty, with the hullabaloo getting ready for DEFCON, it never occurred to me. So, instead, I'm going to try and sit quietly with the knowledge of this anniversary, allow the waves of guilt and grief to wash over me in the waves of the Atlantic did when I stood in the salt water of that sea 2 years ago, and just breathe into it. It's all I can do. What's past is past and all I can do to honor him is to live and

3) This morning, as I was just coming out of sleep, it occurred to me Beas's eldest daughter - Beas is one of my oldest friends (blog post about her coming soon) - is 15 now. 15. The age she and I were when we first met and became friends. At 15, Beas was dealing with the too early death of her mother. At 15, I was dealing with the repercussions of an unsuccessful suicide attempt. Beas and I, we found each other, clung to each other for years, out of adversity, and still love each other, even though we've grown apart, because of the common ground we found, and still maintain, back then. My mind is blown to know her daughter is the age we were when we first discovered each other, assigned lab partners in Mr. Eldridge's Biology class, realizing too late we'd just mooshed, with a straight pin, the brains out of the worm we were supposed to dissect. Her daughter is so much happier and healthier than either of us were at her age. This fills me with such gladness...and nostalgia.

4) Also, please note, according to Facebook, Beas has hives. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not that I think it's funny that she has hives for real but because of the pun. Oh. Shuddup. That shit is funny.


Anonymous said...

I love you sweet Jane.

Diva said...

You're right: That shit IS funny. *laugh*

Gaelyn said...

You've come a long way since 15. Haven't we all. Thank goodness.

Sure wish you were vacationing at the canyon in Andy's memory.

Chin up. Life gets better.

Graciewilde said...

I have unfriended once b/c of politics as well. I am okay with it b/c every time I would read the far right political views he expressed, I would get angry. That wasn't good for me. Gotta take care of me.

Amazing about time, heh? To know that you were once 15 and look what life has handed you since. Scary.

cdnkaro said...

When I think of my own kids turning 15 I have all sorts of mixed feelings, but mostly I hope what all parents hope: that their child's adolescence will be better than their own. Anytime you need a distracting trip, come north! Still a spare bedroom empty, just waiting for you:)

NGS said...

I have blocked half of my "friends" on FB until after the election. It's the problem with having a background in political science in academia - all of my friends get so fired up!

Hope you're getting through the days okay...

TangledLou said...

Hugs, Jane. I hope your waves of grief are cleansing. Keeping you in my heart and mind these days.

TangledLou said...

Oh, and that's VERY funny.

Masked Mom said...

That shit is totally funny. Grief sucks. Old friendships are a tremendous foundation for me--I wish I had more of them.

As to the FB thing--I have not yet unfriended anyone (largely because if I unfriended people for ignorant "political" commentary, most of my FB friends, not to mention family, would be gone), but I have blocked the shit out of their posts in my news feed. It seemed like the only sane solution. Certainly better than engaging with them--which is overwhelmingly tempting at times, but I know from experience that NO good can come of it.

Frances D said...

You are just so open and amazing in your writing. I wish I could pour myself out on the page/screen like you.
You are so REAL