Strong Enough for a Man

So...

I finally broke down and bought some Midol.

Unfortunately for you all, I didn't buy it for me hee hee.

Lex has been really stressed out lately...not getting enough hours at work to make ends meet, his grandmother dying, some heartache, and, frankly, a little bit of living with me - I can be a handful sometimes - particularly lately. So, when he started complaining about a knot in his neck and shoulder last week, I can't say I was surprised.

He's been getting nightly rub downs from me then for the last several days as I tried to work out the knot. But it was big! And tight! And hard! *insert a moment for uncontrollable 12-year-old boy giggling here*

Hee heee hee hee HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

OK. I think I'm done laughing now.

ANYWAY! So he finally broke down and went to see our chiropractor/accupuncturist, a personal long-time friend of mine, who is a miracle worker and an all-around terrific guy. And, while the knot was still there, it seemed to be a little bit better...

Until today.

This morning, Lex headed out to do a quick modem re-boot. He was fine when he left. Maybe a little Eeyore-ish but fine. He was fine when he came back. And then? Then, out of nowhere, I hear horrible moaning/groaning/crying out noises from the back of the house that are not coming from Vinny. What?

I found him sprawled out on the floor, writhing in agony, muttering something about...Back...Spasm...Help.

I gave him an ice pack. Went through a couple of gentle stretches with him. Told him to focus on his breathing...he's really good at the breathing through stuff trick. Nothing was helping. I left him with the ice and told him to holler when he was ready to get up off the floor.

And then, before I knew what he was so foolishly doing, I heard moaning/groaning/crying out coming from the bathroom. The Silly Goose was taking A BATH! APPLYING HEAT! And it was just like in the movies as I dashed slow-mo to the door (in my head) screaming...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too late. Shit.

By the time he got out, he was completely seized up. Color me unsurprised. I learned the hard way years ago...do not, under any circumstances, apply heat within the first 48 hours of a muscle injury. Really. *sigh*

So it began. The hunt for treatment. He's uninsured. Our chiropractor doesn't have weekend hours. What do we do? Emergency room? Urgent care? Knowing from experience what kind of pain this is, that was my first instinct...get thee to a place where they have the really good drugs.

This is where my "remain calm in the face of adversity" mantra pays off.

I started making calls. First up, the chiropractor. I left a message. Second, our evening plans couple to cancel said plans. Third, text messages went out to the friends I know with chronic pain (at least, the ones in town), who might have advice/suggestions/pills to help.

The chiropractor got back to me on his cell. He was in the mountains enjoying his weekend but would be back late tonight and would be willing to work with Lex tomorrow. He suggested ice (hello, not heat), gentle stretching, massive doses of anti-inflammatories until he had a chance to do an evaluation.

A few other friends got back to me to say yeah, no, don't have any relaxers. However! Two of them said Midol should work.

Wait...what?

You mean the PMS medicine? The one that is supposed to help with...um...cramping? Oh. Heh. Right.

So off to the drug store I trudged. Midol I bought. Lex didn't even hesitate to swallow it. Didn't even ask whether or not I was feeding him estrogen. He took it like a (wo)man.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: When women are PMS'ing? It means we've got raging hormones that will not be cured by introducing even more hormones into our system. Midol is not chock full o' the hormones then. It's chock full o' pain killers, diuretics, and, oddly, caffeine. All lovely unisex in the results they induce.

As a consequence, Lex is now sitting up, able to feed himself, and isn't moaning or groaning or crying out.

He hurts, make no mistake. But he isn't writhing in agony or threatening to pass out any time he moves his head now. He's at least well enough to wait it out sans hospital and narcotics to see Dr. S* in the morning. He's well enough for me to break out the wine since now I'm homebound and pajama-wearing as I take care of him on a Saturday night. I figure in the unlikely event of an emergency, I'll call a taxi...or Acr0nym...or an ambulance.

So...there are three lessons here.

1) You should, if you can, develop a deeply personal relationship with a medical professional. I've never taken advantage of my medical relationship with Dr. S* on a weekend. He knows - just by that fact - that this is a true emergency. I'm sure I'll gladly pay for it later *laughing*.

2) You should be grateful for knowledgeable friends who will give you ideas you'd not thought of simply for the asking.

3) Midol...made for a woman, strong enough for a man.