Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I Can't Remember His Birthday

My niece, Sarah Grace, was born December 3, 2003.

She died 10 days later. And my heart broke. For real and for keeps this time.

Two years almost to the day she died, her little brother, Mr. Bodhi, was born amidst much fanfare (and more than a little fear...at least, I was afraid).

He has thrived as she couldn't. He's grown big and strong and smart as a whip! He's engaged and artistic, loving and gracious. He said, the other day, when asked what he was grateful for that day, "I am grateful that I opened my eyes today." He has his own website - one he specifically requested and designed - called Making People Feel Better. He does, you know. Make people feel better.

He's six, y'all. Just turned.

And yet...I can't remember his birthday.

My niece, Coco Pants, she was born October 3. My nephew, JR Bubba Face, was born July 20. Sarah, as I mentioned, December 3.

But Bodhi? Until I'm reminded each and every year, I don't remember he was born December 15. I get confused when December 3 rolls around. Is today the day? No, I think. No, this is Sarah Grace's day. Bodhi is later...but when? I always want to put his birthday on the 13th and then the 23rd all the while knowing it's wrong.

Sarah Grace was the baby of 3's - a magic number.

Sarah Grace - December 3 - December 13, 2003

And she was...magic.

Bodhi. He's magic too. But he's not the baby of 3's.

And I feel like such a terrible auntie when I can't put her death past me to celebrate his life...a life most certainly worth celebrating.

Because Bodhi deserves better...from me especially.

Me with Bodhi Jack...he's been makin' people feel better since 2005

So maybe this year my donation to charity will be to keep his website going. Because he does...make me feel better every day. Even if I can't - for whatever reason - remember what day he was born.


k~ said...

A very touching post.


Diva said...

I have one niece. ONE. And I can't ever recall her birthday. March something-or-other.

It happens. You're still a really cool Auntie.... probably one of the coolest, I'll bet.

Lucy said...

I have a couple, two nephews that I mess the date up, I can't figure it.

I checked his website out and he looks like a darling and his aunt is so sweet and wrote a touching post about him and his sister, the little angel.

The Host said...

I have a niece whose birthday is two days before my own and I *still* manage to screw it up. She'll be 21 on her next birthday. I still hold out hope that I'll get it right.

A touching tribute to your family. They're lucky to have you.

Masked Mom said...

I think we all have gaps like that--for whatever reason. And your reason (Sarah Grace) is more than understandable.

Beautiful post.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post. Don't be so hard on yourself!!! What a sweet little boy.

Catch My Words said...

The main question is: What would Sarah Grace want you to do? I believe all our lives, no matter how short, are for a purpose. I'll have to check out your nephew's blog.


cdnkaro said...

Beautiful post, Jane. I'm checking out your nephew's site next!

p.s. I have 11 nieces and nephews and one on the way...and if it weren't for my calendar I wouldn't remember any bdays- you're not alone:)

Unknown said...

A sweet post. The photo of you and your B. is priceless!

Anonymous said...

Today, you've touched my heart deeply with this post, Jane. And I for one appreciate that you didn't mind sharing this with us. Your honesty, your openness, and your love, are to be commended. Thank you!


Anonymous said...

This was beautiful.

Our oldest daughter's birthday is December 21st. Mine is the 29th. To this day, my husband mixes them up every single freaking year.

Anonymous said...


I have nothing to say that takes away the hurt you're obviously feeling.
Except maybe that your caring for your loved ones is apparent in almost everything word you write.

Be well this holiday season, Jane.

Anonymous said...

*every word you write.

Seriously. Get this woman an editor.


TangledLou said...

Tears. Thank you. Gorgeous.

Odd Chick said...

I had a baby boy born on dec. 3, 1976 and died in dec.11. I wish I had a picture of him or anything of him but just a sweet memory that your post brought back for me. His name was Jesse. I hope him and Sarah have met each other and shared a recent birthday together!

Dianne Juhl said...

What a beautiful tribute to the young people in your life - and to your tender heartedness. Thank you especially for remembering Sarah Grace to us, and taking good care of her brother Bohdi. I love your idea for charitable giving in 2012 - you're so creative and that is what heals all that saddens us. So what if your mind won't yet let you anchor Bohdi's birth date in memory, it's an exception to the rule. Besides, you're definitely the auntie we all love have! Hugs, Dianne