Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Wait...You Found Me How?! The May 2012 Edition aka All About Alligators

Yes, I know it's the 5th of June. Yes, I know this should have been posted 5 days ago. You know what? If you're going to be that judgmental...oh. Wait. Never mind. I need the readers so I will [try] not to insult you.

Anyway! It's that time, once again, for you and I to poke about in my Google Analytics and peruse the keyword searches to find the best, funniest, weirdest searches someone, somewhere out here on the interwebz keyed into Google and found this space I call internet home. 

If you recall, in April, underpants were all the rage. This month, among the usual facial scar searches, the Luke Perry frontal nudity searches, the searches for Boomchunkas, etc. there was not a panty to be had. Instead, I present to you the Month of the Alligator.

Here we go!

1. fuck yeah I'm an alligator  No. No, I'm not. And neither are you - unless, of course, you're an especially smart alligator with computer skills, opposable thumbs, and access to the interbones. And, if so, what are you doing wasting your time on me? That kind of alligator should be out taking over the world. Sheesh.

2. alligator cartoon mean  I'm going to venture to guess alligators, by their very nature, are kinda mean. A cartoon depicting a mean alligator then should illicit millions of hits. How in the world did you end up here where I've talked about alligators precisely twice and only in the context of how to escape them?

3. mommy there's an alligator under the bed  Great. Another thing for me to worry about. Oh! Except my bed is on the floor and it would be virtually impossible for one to be under my bed. Although...hiding in the closet or in the toilet is another matter altogether. Crap. Now I can't sleep. Alligators [and clowns] might eat me.

4. draw something scarface  Um...rude much? That's Ms. Scarface to you, Rude Asshole Person. But fine. You want me to draw something? Here you go...

Note ARP seems to be flipping the alligator the bird. This is NOT the way to escape an alligator attack.

5. had new vagina installed  There always has to be one to which I say I've got nothin'. Truly, I've got nothin'. I especially do not have a new vagina. The one I have seems to be in perfect working order, kthxbye.

6. so I'm majoring in engineering fuck me right  Right. Heh. 

7. will grease help my 357 mag cia pistol fire better  Um...I don't actually know. However, I suspect some of my gun enthusiast friends who read may be able to offer up some advice. They may or may not comment though. They are a shifty, secretive lot. Much like the CIA except cooler and quite possibly drunk so, you know, take that into consideration.

8. I ain't asking for permission  OK. But if you ain't gonna ask for permission you'd better be prepared to ask for forgiveness.

And that, Ladies and Gents, concludes this edition of Alligator month on Jane In Her Infinite Wisdom. What will we have in June? Only time will tell.

FYI: I'm not doing a link up this month as it doesn't seem to be particularly popular so...if you've got some you want to share, be sure to leave a URL in comments for me. I'll come laugh and raise an eyebrow with you for sure!


Anonymous said...

Holy crapanoly. You may as well pack up the You Found Me How?! posts and color this thing done. Never will you be able to top the searches you had this month.

NGS said...

I just want you to know that I think your alligator is one of the finest pieces of internet art I've ever seen. That is all.

Gaelyn said...

Alligators for you and snakes for me.

Anonymous said...

How does someone get a vagina installed? It's not like a car part, unless it is, and I could get a new one. I am not properly informed here. I want a new one!

Jenn and Casey said...

Heheheh. I love the graphic, by the way ;-) I did a post (totally forgot last month, sorry!)

Lucy said...

Why does this scare me? LOL